Women - Page 119

Met a guy named Ant last night. I just figured it was short for Anthony.
Turns out he picks up woman 10 times his own bodyweight.

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A woman never wakes up her second baby just to see it smile.

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes

Don't judge women by kilos, and you won't be judged by centimeters.

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Jokes about Women Life Jokes

I’m always non-plussed at women who complain about the lack of money. …
Heck, every woman I know is sitting on a gold mine.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes

The dating game is like investing in the stock market. You're brokers; you're constantly investing time, energy, money -- investing. You want to see return on your investment. Some of y'all out there are dating two or three different women. That's like investing in mutual funds.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Important news headlines:
21 people were killed in a 21 gun salute,
The head of the lost-and-found was reported missing,
A vegetarian has been beaten to death by a meat packer.
A 107 year-old woman is reported to be pregnant... physicians say that due to her advanced age, she will have a grown-up.
A man has barricaded himself inside his home. However he is not armed, and no-one is paying any attention to him.
A woman was severely injured while she attempted to вrеаsт-feed a wildcat.
A high-speed chase ended when the car stopped and the people got out.
An earthquake hit a maternity hospital and 3 people were killed. Luckily, 6 people were born.
A priest who has performed over 300 exorcisms was eaten yesterday by a green boogeyman.
A man who was shot 9 times yesterday and refused treatment... died today... of 9 shots.
Tragedy struck the parade last week when an uncovered manhole claimed the lives of 1200 marchers one at a time...

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Jokes about Women News and Politics Jokes Men jokes

I've been living in New York City now for four years. To this day, every time a сriме in New York makes news at home, my dad calls. He called me last week:
'This old woman was beaten and mugged. Are you OK?'

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Jokes about Women News and Politics Jokes Police Officer Jokes Dad Jokes

Women were born to WOO MEN but why do they WOE MEN?

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

I’d rather see a pregnant woman standing on the bus than a fат girl sitting down crying.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes Fat Jokes

The following conversation took place between a couple while out shopping.
Woman:
“Does this dress make me look fат?”
Man:
“No… But your face does.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes Fat Jokes

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, "Which book has helped you most in your life?"
The woman replied, "That would be my husband's check book."

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

Back when I went to college, the female dormitory was out-of-bounds for all male students, as was the male dormitory to the female students. It was explained to us during orientation that anybody caught breaking this rule would be fined $20 the first time.
Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $60. Being caught a third time incurred a hefty fine of $180. Then we were asked, “Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired. "Er... How much for a season pass?"

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Jokes about Women School Jokes Men jokes

In a cave, I found pictures of women’s вrеаsтs, but when I touched them, a giant net fell on me.
Damn воовy trap.

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Jokes about Women Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

The United States is the only country where housewife hires a woman to do her cleaning so she can do volunteer work at the day care where the cleaning woman leaves her child

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

Man: Do you want to have good sеx?
Woman: Ehh no… Sorry?
Man: Well you should come back to my place!

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A blonde female cop pulls over another female blonde. The cop say "Can i have you're license mam?". The blonde looks in her purse for 2 minutes and gets mad and says " What does it look like?"
The cop says "Its square with you're face on it.". The blonde keeps looking. She finds a square mirror and looks in it, and her reflection is there. She hands it to the cop. The cop looks and says "Oh i didn't realize you were a cop.".

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes

Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe. She says “Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you’d like to come into my bedroom.” Santa responds “Но! Но! Но! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know.”
The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee. Santa looks up from his sack of gifts, and she says “I’ve got something special for you Santa. Can’t you stay for just a little while? I know you want me. Let me make this Christmas eve unforgettable.”
Santa responds “Но! Но! Но! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know.”
Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits, and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add. And she says “Santa, this is your last chance. This body is your gift.”
Santa responds “Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta stay. Gotta Stay. Can’t get up the chimney with my diск this way!”

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Jokes about Women Christmas Jokes

Never argue with a woman when she's tired... Or when she's rested.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes

Student:
"Girls are better, because we are stronger, better, and we live longer. what do you have to say to that?"
Me:
"That's true, because when men get married to women like you, who b*tch and complain all day. they beg to god to die faster."
Teacher: *bursts out laughing*

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Insult Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

I telephoned the veterinarian's office to ask when I should take my three month old kitten in to be vaccinated for rabies. After a few initial questions, the woman who answered the telephone asked,
"What is the kitten's name?"
"Demon," I replied.
"Demon? That's an odd name," she said.
"Maybe, but it's appropriate anyway."
I heard clicking of a computer keyboard, then she said,
"Our records show that you have cats named Gato [which is Spanish for 'male cat'], Scamp, Stinky, and now you named one Demon. Is that right?"
"Yes, it is."
"You really don't like cats, do you?"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes