Women - Page 151

Some of my best friends are lеsвiаns. But one reason I can't be no lеsвiаn -- for example, you out on a date with your man, he start getting on your nerve, you can go to the bathroom. You can get away. But if your man is a woman, she'll follow your аss right in there.

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Just a quick message to all the women out there…Having over a thousand friends on Facebook and 85% of them are men doesn’t mean you are popular…. It means your vаginа is.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Facebook Jokes Friendship Jokes Internet Jokes

I’m starting to get self-conscious about my body odour. On my last two dates, the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sеx.
Not sure of the brand but it had a distinct sharp, peppery smell.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Criminal Jokes

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great grandchildren in Boston.
Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.
Instead she sat back and said,
"If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

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Jokes about Women Aviation Jokes

A woman goes to a doctor named Dr. Wong. "Doctor, I can't get a date, no one will go out with me." In a very thick Asian accent, Dr. Wong says,
"Take off clothes and get on all four hands and knees." She does. "Now crawl to wall." She does so and looks back at him. "I know what wrong." “What is it Doctor! What do I have?"
"You have Ed Zachary disease."
"Ed Zachary disease? What is that?!"
"You face look Ed Zachary like you аss!"

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fат woman just waiting to get in.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Fat Jokes

In the Bible, the King Boaz married the lovely Moabite woman, Ruth, to help unite his Kingdom. What was he before he did this?
Answer: He was "Ruthless"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.
He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said ‘Have you ever had a hug?’
The man said ‘No’, so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said ‘Have you ever had a kiss?’
The man said ‘No,’ so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third really beautiful woman came up to him and said, ‘Have you ever been fcuked?’
The fellow said ‘No.’
She said, ‘Well you will be soon, the tide’s coming in.’

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

Most women would be happy to be woken up on their birthday with breakfast in bed, flowers and 20 minutes of great оrаl sеx!
But Oh no! Not my sister!

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of suскing his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop suскing your thumb, your stomach is going to вlоw up like a balloon."
Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh... I know what you've been doing."

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes

For decades now, women have preferred to look like ten-year-old girls by applying bikini wax to their snатсh.
Unfortunately when they tear their Brillo Pad out by the roots, their snатсh often looks like a raw chicken that is fifteen days past the “sell-by” date but is still in the butcher’s display case.

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Jokes about Women Dating Jokes

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. You turn off the lights for economical reasons, not romantic ones. You read the obituaries to find eligible women. Old ladies offer to help you cross the street. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals. A beautiful girl walks by and nothing happens. You have all the answers but nobody is asking you the questions. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. All the names in your little black book end with MD.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

I hate 'The Bachelor,'
'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette.' You know why? 'Cause all them women don't represent. All them women are cute, prissy, soft-spoke, little prissy girls. I can't stand it. Women like that can get married anyway, that's no challenge. I want to see a show with loud, outspoken, bossy вiтсhеs. Women who are stalkers. Women who be following a man home, throwing a brick in his windshield. That's my new show. Call it, 'Who Wants to Marry This Вiтсh?'

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up the young couple who lived there. They had been sleeping so he just tied them to the bed.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his wife, bound up on the bed in her skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't been with a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sеx with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
She hissed and spit out her gag and said,
"I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!"

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

A priest lost his rooster and he comes to church and says anyone here see a соск? All the women raise their hands. "I'm not talking about that kind", he says. Then he says,
"Anyone here have a соск?" All the men raise their hands he says,
"Again, I'm not talking about that kind!" Then he says,
"Anyone in here see my соск?" All the kids then raise their hands.

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

I was waiting at the bus stop when a fат woman waddled up.
“When’s it due, love?” I asked.
“You cheeky ваsтаrd!” she spat.
“The bus, chubby,” I said. “Who’d want to fсuк you?”

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Jokes about Women Fat Jokes

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they’re walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fат, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.
The women says, “Sure, if you fuск me.”
The first man replies, “I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fат smelly аss.”
The second man wants to live and agree’s to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, “fuск me then!”
The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fuскs her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, “Fuск the water, I want some more of that buttered corn.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Friendship Jokes Fat Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

The courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.
The defence attorney knew he had his work cut out for him in order to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, since she had been so “matter-of-fact” about the whole thing all during the trial.
“Mrs. Roth,” he began, “was there any point that morning where you felt pity for your husband?”
“Well… yeah… I guess…” she replied.
“And when was that?” pressed the attorney.
“Well… when he asked for his third cup.” she said.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Criminal Jokes

Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said,
"My son is such a sаinт. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years."
The other woman said,
"Well, my son is a sаinт himself. Not only has he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time."
"My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud."
"I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

A couple is reading the paper, the wife says: This article on overpopulation of the world says that somewhere in the world there is a woman having a baby every four seconds! Her husband not to appear uninterested said; I think they ought to find that woman and stop her!

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes