Women - Page 89

Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said:
"Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

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TEACHER: I shot Five Birds, Two of them are dead. how many are left??
STUDENT: None. The others flew away bcoz of the sound of the gun.
TEACHER: No, It's a Math problem.. but I like your Style..
STUDENT: So, I have a question for you teacher... Three women were eating ice cream. One of them is Licking it. The other one, Suскing it and the Last one, Biting it.. Which one is Married??
TEACHER: The Suскing One.
STUDENT: No, The one with the ring on her finger, But I like your Style...

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Math Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison. They committed a сriме and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and кill them. The brunette is called up. She says,
"Ready, aim, tornado!" Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette runs away. Once regrouped, the redhead is summoned. She says,
"Ready, aim, earthquake!" Fooled again, the police quickly turn around to get cover while the redhead runs away. Then it's the blonde's turn, who says,
"Ready, aim, fire!"

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm when she remembered her dad's advice:
"If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it." Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, "Lady, why are you following me?" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said,
"Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot now. Do you want to follow me to Best Buy?"

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Dad Jokes

Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man,
"Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says,
"We're from Nebraska."
Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, papa?"
The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from."
"Oh," replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that's all done, the attendant tells the old man, "You know, the worst piece of аss I ever had was from Nebraska."
The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, "What did he say, papa?"
The husband replies,
"He thinks he knows you, mama."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor asks him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies,
"The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, he turns the light on and when I'm finished, he turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor told her what her husband said. She replied, "Dамn it! The old fаrт's been рissing in the ice box again!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

An apartment building is on fire. Firefighters are on the scene, however both their ladder and life net are broken. A star quarterback sees the commotion and asks, "What's happening? Can I help?" The fire chief says,
"There's a mother and baby stuck in the building on the 19th floor! The mother is up there in the window. Can you catch her child?" The mother frantically waves down to the men below and the football player shouts up to her, "Go ahead, I'm ready!" He holds his arms out and the women drops the infant. Just when the quarterback deftly catches the child, he spikes it to the ground yelling, "TOUCHDOWN!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Their was four women right? and they all had a counsling session together. it was a class for addictions. so the coulsler guy turns to the group. " ok all of your addictions reflect in the name of your child." he looks at the first lady... your addicted to money theirfor your doughters name is penny. he turns to the second one. your addicted to food, and so your doughers name is kandi, he turns to the third one, and your adicted to метh, and ur doughters name is cristal, then he turns to the fourth women, and before he could say a word the lady stands up and says stop. then she grabs her sons hand and begins to leave... "c'mon diск were leaving".

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes

It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman. It doesn't matter if its visa or master card.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

A man and a woman have just had their 50th wedding anniversary. The husband turns to his wife and asks, "What do you want to do to celebrate our anniversary dear?" She replies,
"Let's run upstairs and make love." He turns to her and says,
"Well make up your mind, we can't do both!"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Man- What would you do if I won the lottery?
Woman- Take half and leave!
Man- Well, I won 20 bucks, here's 10, now get out!

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

A man and woman are sitting on their porch drinking a вееr. The man says,
"I love you." The woman says,
"Is that you talking or the вееr talking?" The man says,
"That's me talking to the вееr!"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

The five most important qualities in a woman: one who is independent and helps around the house, one who can make you laugh, one who you can trust, one who is good in bed, and most importantly, one who should make sure these four women never meet.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29? Because 30 is too many!

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes Kids Jokes

Women are like shed roofs, if you don't nail them hard enough they'll end up next door.

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Jokes about Women One-Liner Jokes

God is a woman. I know this because if God was a man, He would have created the whole population female, and only one man. Then, He would have invited that male to the top of the mountain to look down at all the beautiful females. Then God would have gotten jealous and killed him.

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Men jokes Sexist Jokes

A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch. The man said,
"I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat and I would like to replace it for you." The woman replied, "Well that's alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?"

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

An old woman walks into a butcher shop and asks for a New Mexico duck. The butcher grabs the nearest duck and hands it to the old lady. She puts her finger up its аss, pulls it out, smells it, and says,
"You must be new here because this is no New Mexico duck." The butcher replies,
"Yep, I am new here." The old lady comes back with, "Well, where are you from?" The butcher drops his pants, spreads his вuтт cheeks and says,
"I don't know, why don't you tell me."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes