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Chemistry Jokes

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My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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Το δύσκολο όνομα ... Ο Τοτός στο φαρμακείο Друг професор казва на аптекаря: Une dame se présente chez le pharmacien. Женщина в аптеке: Ο πελάτης: Kommt ein Mann in die Apotheke und sagt Un gars se présente à la pharmacie et demande au pharmacien: - Je voudrais de l'acide acétylsalycilique! - Ah! vous voulez dire de l'aspirine! - Ben oui Un hombre en la farmacia: - Deme una caja de ácido acetil salicílico. - Querrá decir una caja de aspirinas. - Eso Un tipo entra in farmacia e chiede al farmacista: "salve mi darebbe una scatola di acido acetilsalicilico? Sa quel prodotto antipiretico e analgesico che contiene anche sodio carbonato!" e il... W aptece: - Jest kwas acetylosalicylowy? - Chodzi pani o aspirynę? - Tak
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
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When chemist die, they barium.
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Yo mama farts so much there is a reason why Jupiter is made out of gas.
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The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.
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Würmer mögen keinen Alkohol Το κήρυγμα Πείραμα χημείας приносит(у)чительница на урок две колбы.в одной вода В час по зоология Le petit Sylvain vient de se faire prendre par son papa en train de boire de l'alcool en cachette. A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this Решила учителката да покаже на децата вредното влияние на алкохола. Събрала ги в класната стая и взела в една ръка купичка пълна с водка Um professor de química queria alertar os alunos sobre o mal que as bebidas alcoólicas fazem e fez uma experiência em sala de aula Un tipo muy borracho tenía cita con el médico Will was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up &... Quatro lombrigas são colocadas em quatro tubos de ensaio separados: A primeira lombriga em álcool Een prof chemie wil zijn studenten laten zien dat alcohol een nadelige invloed heeft op het algemeen anabolisme van de mens Un insegnante di scienze colloca quattro vermi in quattro provette distinte: Il 1º nella birra Il 2ª nel vino Il 3ª in whisky di 12 anni Il 4 ° in acqua minerale Il giorno dopo ... Sermón Dominical !! El Pastor Pani od przyrody robi eksperyment z robakami. Wkłada 1 robaka do szklanki i nalewa alkoholu. - Robak zdechł. Wkłada 2 robaka i nasypuje tytoniu - robak zdechł... Wkłada 3 robaka do szklanki ze... Egyetemi biológia előadáson a professzor az alkohol káros hatását demonstrálja. Fog egy poharat Un preot vrea sa arate Enoriasilor exemple ilustrate ale pacatelor Alkohol En afholdsprædikant mente Toca hacer experimento en la clase de ciencias naturales. Ponen cuatro lombrices en cuatro tubos de ensayo
Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
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The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
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I lost an electron Das verlorene Elektron Iba un átomo caminado por la calle con cara de preocupación. Un átomo conocido lo ve y le pregunta: Qué tal amigo Due atomi si incontrano per strada. Il primo: "Come va? Tutto bene?". L'altro Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says Molecule 1: I just lost an electron. Molecule 2: Are you sure? Molecule 1: I’m positive. Dos moléculas están caminando en la calle y chocan. Una le dice a la otra: “¿Estas bien” “¡No Two molecules are walking down the street and one starts looking around. The other asks Two hydrogen atoms are at a party and bump into each other. The first one says Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?"
The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
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Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
HeHe
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
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Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2
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Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
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Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.
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