Chemistry Jokes

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What to do with a chemist who’s gotten sick? If you can’t curium and you can’t helium, find a good spot to barium.

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Two atoms are walking along when one says, “Hey, somebody just stole my electron!”
“Are you sure?” asks the other electron.
“Yeah, I’m positive!”

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My experiment blew up, annihilating the entire lab. But that’s life, oxidants happen.

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Titanium is a right old sluт. It combines with just about anything when it gets in a heat.

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What is so great about nitrates? You get double the pay of the dayrates.

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I got this fantastic book about helium. It is impossible to lay down.

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All this arguing whether the glass is half full or half empty is futile. It is always full, only in varying ratios of liquid and gas.

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What do you get when you replace the carbon atoms with iron in a benzene ring? A ferrous wheel!

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Neutron goes into a house of ill repute and enjoys the company of a particularly seductive girl. When he’s leaving and asks how much he should pay, she smiles at him, batting her eyelids and breathes, “For you, there’s no charge.”

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What is Beethoven’s favourite element? Sodium! Na na na naaa!What is hydrophobic? A person suffering from an irrational fear of utility bills.

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Do you know the formula for sodium hydride? NaH…

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What is CH2O? Seawater of course!

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How come Iron Man is a woman? Because Fe-Male.

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What is a girl’s best friend in potentia? Carbon.

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What was a cation doing up a tree? It had been driven up there by a dogion.

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It’s never a good idea to ask a chemist to make you a Pb and J sandwich…

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Hydrogen accosts oxygen:
“Hey you, you stole my electron!”
“No! Are you certain?!”
“I’m вlооdy positive!”

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H2O is just a shorter way to write HIJKLMNO.

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