Chemistry Jokes

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Is Schrödinger’s cat still alive? Well, to put it shortly, no. The longer answer would be yes.

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Landlady: There was a chemist living here before you, Mr. Denny, a very nice man.
Potential tenant: Really? Well I guess those black, green and red stains all over the walls must be from the chemicals in his experiments, right?
Landlady: Partly. The red ones are Mr. Denny.

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What is a cation? A very positive kitten.

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What did water say to sodium? I think you’re overreacting.

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What’s so great about ammonia? Personally, I find it pretty base.

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Because of its high reactivity, the slogan “If you can’t join ‘em, barium” was suggested.

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Have you got a problem? Call in a chemist. They can always come up with a good solution.

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What is an acid with a serious attitude problem?
A-mean-oh-acid

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What is a chemist’s solution to times of hunger? Titrations.

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A new element was found and added to the periodic table recently. It is called Unobtanium and is naturally found in small, flexible green and white rectangles called bills.

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I went to the crappest party of my life yesterday. It was deathly dull and should have been called an Ode to Bohrium.

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Photons have a big advantage at airport check-ins. They are travelling light.

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Everybody knows H2O is the formula for water. But what about ice? H2O2!

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Telling chemistry jokes is only for the brave. Often, you get no reaction.

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So when a king farts, does that make it a noble gas?

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What is H2O4? It’s for drinking, washing, gargling… you name it.

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Sometimes, Cesium and Iodine get together and watch telly. CSI is their preference.

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What to do with a chemist who’s gotten sick? If you can’t curium and you can’t helium, find a good spot to barium.

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