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Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his реnis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.
A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?"
"Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my реnis into the pickle slicer?"
His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill - I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, um, she got fired, too."

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Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig?
A: Won't happen - there are some things even a pig won't do.

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job?
A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.

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Office and Work Jokes Political Jokes Lawyer Jokes American Presidents Humor

The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator...
The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven. When they arrive at the gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people on their way to greet them. When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened. St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
She replied, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50."
And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porsche; it's a Ferrari."

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

Three women were at the doctor's office for the second trimester check up.
The first woman, a brunette, said that she was sure that she would have a girl because when she made love to her husband, she was on top! The second affirmed with certainty that she would have a boy, because she was on bottom. The blonde grabbed her head between her hands.
"Oh, сrар! Puppies."

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... PowerPoint:
I know how to find your PowerPoint.

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Office and Work Jokes

Q: How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?
A: Because they both "practice" their professions.

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

What do you call parachuting lawyers?
Skeet.

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:
"Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter:
"Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."
A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear husband, you wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden."
The prisoner writes back:
"Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Police Officer Jokes Prison Jokes

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.
After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.
The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, ''Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place.''

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Police Officer Jokes Prison Jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Proactive:
Something's getting proactive in my pants!

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Office and Work Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a proctologist and a bartender?
A: The proctologist only handles one a**hole at a time.

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Colonoscopy and proctologist jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Productivity:
I bet you can increase my productivity.

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Office and Work Jokes

A dying man gives each of his best friends - a lawyer, doctor and clergyman - an envelope containing $25,000 in cash to be placed in his coffin.
A week later the man dies and the friends each place an envelope in the coffin. Several months later, the clergyman confesses that he only put $10,000 in the envelope and sent the rest to a mission in South America.
The doctor confesses that his envelope had only $8,000 because he donated to a medical charity.
The lawyer is outraged, "I am the only one who kept my promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained my own personal check for the entire $25,000."

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Office and Work Jokes Fitness jokes Lawyer Jokes

A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife:
"Where did you get that necklace?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub." He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Raise:
I think you'll be able to raise the bar.

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Office and Work Jokes

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
"That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor.
"Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked, the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned. He returned to the store shortly.
"Ah-ha!" said the proprietor. "You've come back for the story, right?"
"Nope," said the man. "You have any brass lawyers?"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes

A man walks into a lawyer's office and inquires about the rates.
"Fifty dollars for three questions, "replies the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asks the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replies, "and what's your third question?"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

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