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A nun wanted to enter a racehorse into a race, but then she realized that they cost way too much money, so instead, she bought a donkey.
The next day, she enters it into a contest, and it comes in third. The headlines read, ''Nun's Аss Chokes.'' The next day, she entered it in another competition and this time it came in first. The headlines were, ''Nun's Аss Wins Grand Prize.'' The following day, the owner scratched the donkey from the race. The headlines read, ''Booker Scratches Nun's Аss.'' And on the next day, the nun sold the donkey for a really cheap price. The headlines were ''Nun Sells Her Аss for $5.''

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Sports Jokes

Jоск Воотy Call... Open:
Hey ваве, I'm just trying to open up a hole! High five!

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Sports Jokes Dirty jokes

A blind man tells his friend how much he enjoys parachuting. "My hand is placed on my release ring, and then they place me in the door and tell me when to jump. Out I go!"
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" ask his friend.
"Oh," replies the blind man, "as soon as the dog's leash goes slack."

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Sports Jokes

Jоск Воотy Call... Pass:
Hey ваве, please don't let this be an incomplete pass. High five!

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Sports Jokes

Show me a man that thinks baseball is the national pastime and I'll show you a man who never played doctor when he was a kid!

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Sports Jokes

Jоск Воотy Call... Penalty:
I'm going to have to penalize you fifteen yards for unnecessary hotness. High five!

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Sports Jokes

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

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Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Love Jokes Phone jokes

There was this one lady that bought a jar of pickles every week .
So she puts the pickle in the hole on her floor and starts huмрing it then the mailman rings the doorbell and she gets up, kicks the pickle and gets the mail. The next day she does the same thing and screws the pickle. The mailman waits everyday, so he looks in the window and sees her sсrеwing the pickle then he rings the doorbell. The next day he gets a substitute to do his routes. So he goes in the lady's basement and paints his diск green. When she put the pickle in he takes it out and sticks his diск in and the lady doesn`t know it`s not the pickle so she just screws it. Later on the substitute mailman rings the doorbell and then the lady kicks the pickle and gets the mail.

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Sports Jokes

Jesus and Моsеs are playing golf and they''re on the tenth hole. Моsеs hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green.
Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it, a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle, that walks over to the hole and drops it in.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, ''I hate it when your dad plays!''

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Sports Jokes

Q: Why can't DJs play pool?
A: They always scratch.

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Sports Jokes

Jоск Воотy Call... Positions:
Hey ваве, soccer players know eleven positions! High five!

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Sports Jokes

"Did you hear they are thinking of changing the Dallas Cowboys to the Dallas Possums?"
"No, why?"
"Because they play dead at home and they die on the road."

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Sports Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Jоск Воотy Call... Low Post:
I'm going to back you into the low post for an easy finger roll. High five!

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Sports Jokes

What do you get when you cross a football player with a hоокеr?
An illegal procedure.

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Sports Jokes

Once upon a time, there was a king who thought that his officers were going to try to have sеx with his queen. So he made all of his officers put on tight pants and told them that if anyone got a воnеr their head would be chopped off.
So he lined them up and the queen came to the first one and took off her gown. He got a воnеr, so that was the end of him.
Then she came to the next one and took off her gown, he got a воnеr and that was the end of him. This went on until she came to the last one and took off gown, then her underthings and he didn't get a воnеr. So she took off his clothes and started rolling on the floor with him, half an hour went by, then an hour, finally after two hours the king came in to see what was happening and as soon as the king came in the guy got a воnеr.

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Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

Two rednecks were sitting on their porch one afternoon and looked down at their dog who was licking his diск.
One of the the guys looked at the other and said,
"I wish that I could do that."
The other one then said,
'Don't be sтuрid, man - that dog would bite you!"

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Dirty jokes Redneck jokes Pet Jokes Dog jokes

How do you know when you have a true redneck girl?
When she can chew tabacco and give you a вlоw job at the same time, and knows which one to spit and which one to swallow.

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Sports Jokes

A young hillbilly always went out to the barn to beat off and when he was done he would shoot his load into a coffee can and hide it under the bench. One day his father caught him and told him, "Son, every time you do that you are killing a baby."
The next time the boy went to the barn he was about to shoot his load and reached down to grab his can but a little frog had jumped in. The boy looked in the can saw the frog and said, "Son you're ugly but daddy loves ya."

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Redneck jokes Coffee Jokes

Robert Frost and a redneck came to heaven's gate at the same time.
St. Peter stood at the gate with instuctions for the two: ''You cannot enter the gates of heaven until you can make up a poem and recite it to me using the word 'Timbuktu' in it.'' Robert Frost stepped up and recited a beautiful poem and was let in the gates.
The redneck stepped up and St. Peter said, ''Now, what is your poem?''
The Redeck paused and scratched. ''Oh! I got it,'' said the redneck, ''here it goes. . . Me and Tim a huntin' went, Met three maidens in a tent, They was three and we was two, So I bucked one and Tim bucked two.''

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Sports Jokes

"Don't trust volleyball players with your drinks."
"Why?"
"They might spike 'em."

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Sports Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

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