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Q: What do the toes say when they meet?
A: There is a fungus among us.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick.
The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.'' The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?'' The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.''

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Food Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who had a diск transplant?
His hand rejected it.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A woman and her husband go to the doctor because the woman is complaining of shortness of breath. After fifteen minutes, the woman comes out into the waiting room and says, "Apparently, my problem is that I have a nice соотеr."
"Excuse me?" says the husband.
"That's what the doctor said. My problem is that I have a nice соотеr." The husband is a bit angry and goes in to talk to the doctor.
"What's this about my wife having a nice соотеr? I need a dамn good explanation."
"That's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I said she has acute angina."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

I don't even trust condoms.
I use trash bags and duct tape.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

One day, Mr.
Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiот brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing above him.
"Mr. Phillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested that your brother Bill name the kids."
"What! My brother, the idiот! I can't believe you let him! What did he name them?"
"He named your daughter Denise."
"Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?"
"He named your son Denephew."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Two sреrм are walking down the street. How do you know which one is happy?
It's the one with egg on its face!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
''You are fine, how am I?''

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

One guy had three ваlls, so he went to the doctor. He was too shy to tell the doctor his story so he told him, "Let's just say me and you together have 5 ваlls in total."
So the doctor replied, "What! you've got four!?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A frustrated wife got some Viаgrа for her husband. Her doctor told her to give him one pill a night, and that he would call to check in with her after a week.
That night, the wife popped one pill in her husband's food and got a good rogering.
The next night she gave him two pills. The sеx was even greater than the night before.
The following night she decided to give him the whole bottle. The sеx was unimaginable.
A week later, the doctor called to check on the patient. The couple's son answered the phone and sounded shaky. The doctor asked to speak to his mother. The son replied that his mother was in the hospital, the maid was pregnant, his вuтт was hurting, and his dad was standing nакеd in the front yard, yelling, "Here kitty, kitty...."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Viagra jokes

While eating at their favorite diner, two Texans hear an awful choking sound. They turn around to see a lady turning blue.
The first Texan rises, hitches up his jeans and walks over to the lady. He asks, "Can you breathe?" She shakes her head no. "Can you speak?" he asks. She again shakes her head no.
With that, he helps her to her feet, lifts up her skirt and starts to liск her вuтт. Shocked, the woman coughs up the obstruction and begins to breathe.
The first Texan turns back to his friend and says, "Amazing how that there Hind Liск Maneuver works every time!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb?
One hundred.
One to replace the bulb and ninety-nine to contract consumption and die beautiful, poetic deaths.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What do a hemophiliac and a virgin have in common?
A: One рriск and they're done.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What's the definition of a healthy virgin?
A: "One who has never been bed-ridden!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible rush. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."
The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Dentist Jokes

There was a doctor that had been having sеx with a number of his patients, and he started to feel guilty.
Then a little voice inside his head said, You're not the only doctor that screws his patients. That made him feel a bit better. Until another little voice said, But most of them aren't vets.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Veterinarian Jokes

"Doctor! My wife has lost her voice. What can I do to help her get it back!"
"Try coming home at 3 in the morning."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition.
Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room. After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband. Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver. The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles. Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer, at that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the surgeon and asks, ''Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?'' "I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my dамn bag open."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sеx, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him. The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she'd seen.
"What can I help you with?'' he asked.
''Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?''
''Ma'am,'' he answered, ''that there is called a реnis.''
''I see,'' she said. ''Now what is the big thing on the end of the реnis called?''
''Why that there is called the head of the реnis.''
''I do declare!'' exclaimed the young woman. ''One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12 to 14 inches behind the head of the реnis?''
''I'm not sure about your husband, ma'am, but on me, they're called the cheeks of my аss!''

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man goes to the doctor for a check up. After the exam, the doctor tells him, "I have some bad news: You only have have about two weeks left to live." The man is shocked and asks the doctor, "Is there anything I can do to make the time that I have left more tolerable?"
The doctor replies, "There is one thing that you could do." "Just name it - I'll do whatever it is," the man replies. The doctor advises the man to take mud baths at least two or three times each day. The man asks, "Will that help my condition?" The doctor answers, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

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