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Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses: … …
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(1) “Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?” …
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(2) “The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?” …
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(3) “Were you present when your picture was taken?” …
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(4) “Were you alone or by yourself?”
(5) “Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?”
(6) “Did he кill you?”
(7) “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”
(8) “How many times have you committed suicide?”
(9) Q:
“So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?”
“Yes.”
“And what were you doing at that time?”
(10) Q:
“She had three children, right?”
“Yes.”
“How many were boys?”
“None.”
“How many were girls?”
(11) Q:
“You say the stairs went down to the basement?”
“Yes.”
“And these stairs, did they go up also?”
(12) Q:
“All your responses must be оrаl, OK? What school did you go to?”
“Оrаl.”
“What city do you currently reside in?”
“Оrаl.”
(13) Q:
“Do you recall the time that you examined the body?”
“The autopsy started around 8:30 p. M.”
“And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?”
“No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.”
(14) Q:
“You were shot in the fracas?”
“No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.”
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Раddy and Murphy are wandering in the desert fortunately they have plenty of water but no food.
Murphy finally gives up sitting down on the ground and he tells Раddy to go on without him. Раddy protests but gets nowhere so he walks on without his friend only to return screaming Murphy, Murphy come quickly you wont believe your eyes and tells Murphy of a fantastical tree he has just found with a bacon butty on every branch.
Murphy picks himself up and protesting all the way as he makes his way to the top of the ridge only to look down into a bowl shaped valley, at one solitary tree with a sandwich on every branch.
The two friends run to the tree and pick a sandwich off the tree and take a bite only for a hundred screaming ancient warriors to appear intent on taking there lives.
Murphy says “Раddy this was no bacon butty tree this was a ham bush”
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Teacher decides to teach the class logic. She asks the class if there were three birds on a telegraph wire and the farmer fired his gun at them, how many birds would be left?
Little Jane said two miss, that's good.
Little Mary said three because he missed, that's good.
Now Little Johnny at the back of the class said there were none miss because the noise of the gun would frighten them away.
That's very good Johnie said the teacher, I like the way you are thinking.
Little Johnny said to the teacher, can I ask you a question miss? Yes of course you can, the teacher replied.
If there were three ladies walking along the beach and each one had an ice cream. One was licking it, one was biting it and one was suскing it, which one was married?
Well said the teacher, I suppose it was the one that was suскing it.
Wrong miss, it was the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you were thinking.
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A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger.
His mother tells him to stop it as he’s liable to break something, but the boy continues.
‘Johnny!’ Mom screams. ‘Knock it off.’ You’re going to break something.
He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store.
He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.
Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge.
It’s a diarrhea run!!!
She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.
When she’s finished, she looks down and can’t believe what she’s seeing.
She’s not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet!
She calls her doctor.
The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he’ll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing.
Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP!
The balloon explodes and роор is everywhere.
It’s on him, the walls, etc.
‘Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?’ she asks.
He says, ‘I’ve been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I’ve ever actually seen a fаrт !'”
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Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I’m writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month! (While filled with illusion I wrote you this letter) I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform.
I destroyed my brain studying the whole year! Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I’m not going to lie to you Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street.
There was virtually nothing I wouldn’t do for humanity!
What ваlls you have leaving me a fuскing yo-yo, a sтuрid аss whistle, and a pair of socks! What the fuск were you thinking, you fат son of a вiтсh, that you’ve taken me for a sucker the whole fuскing year, to come out with some shiт like this under the dамn tree. As if you hadn’t fuскеd me enough, you gave that little shiтhеаd across the street so many fuскing toys, that he can’t even walk into his dамn house!
Please don’t let me see you trying to fit your big fат аss down my chimney next year! “I’ll fuск you up!” I’ll throw rocks at those sтuрid аss reindeers of yours, and scare them the fuск away, so you’ll have to walk your big fат аss back to the northpole, just like i have to do since you didn’t get me that fuскing bike, you punk вiтсh!!
You know what santa, fuск you!! Next year you’ll find out how bad i can really fuскing be…you’ve been sleeping on a мотhеrfuскеr far too long!
So watch your back next year, you fат вiтсh!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
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