Newest jokes - Page 20

On a men's bathroom wall, someone had hastily scrawled, "I slept with your mother."
Underneath it, another person had written, "Go home dad, you're drunк."

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A younboy gave his mum a big wrapped up birthday present on a Saturday.
She opened it up and it was a tea рот.
She said "What a wonderful tea port darling - thank you."
The boy said "That's good."
Mum said "However I already have a tea рот."
The boy replied "No you haven't - I broke it."

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Kids Jokes Birthday Jokes

"I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?"
"That's right, Sir."
"So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?"
"That was my dentist."

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Dentist Jokes Office and Work Jokes Management Jokes Friendship Jokes Stupid Jokes

At a Wednesday evening church meeting a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony.
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday:
I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night.
The speaker was a missionary who told about his work.
I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all.
So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God.
I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
As he finished it was clear that everyone had been moved by this man's story.
But, as he took his seat, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said: "Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!"

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Church jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes God Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Christian Jokes

A blonde couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".

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Blonde Jokes College jokes Baby Jokes Couple jokes Japanese Jokes

A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down.
The judge: "Why did you rаре the girl?"
"I liked her."
"Why did you rареd the boy?"
"I liked him."
"Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?"
"I'm afraid I'll like you…"

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Judge and Court Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes

A man died and went to hеll and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed.
Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?"
The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hеll."
But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked.
The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered.
"Alright!" creid the man.
"Do you like drinking?" the demon asked.
"Yeah!" The man answered.
"Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered.
"Sweet!" cried the man.
"Are you gаy?" asked the demon.
The man frowned and said: "No."
The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her for Halloween!

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Yo Momma Jokes Halloween Jokes Ugly Jokes

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sеx, marriage, and values.
Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentally droops some BB from the shelf into the batter.
She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake.
Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs.
The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I рissеd out a beebee!"
She says "That's okay, son. I accidentally dropped some bee bees into the cake batter. You'll be fine."
Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.."
But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you рissеd out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine."
Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.."
And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you рissеd out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine."
But then son says, "No, no, I was маsтurватing and I shot the dog!"

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Pet Jokes Gross Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Masturbation jokes

What is the one single word that begins with 'n' that you never want to call a black person?
Neighbor.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Single People Jokes Black People Jokes

There are three blonds that went to the store.
After they get done in the store one of the blondes realizes that she locked her keys in her car.
The first blond tried using a screwdriver to unlock the door.
The second blond tried using a hanger.
The third blond tried using pen.
While they are trying to unlock the door the second blond says "We better hurry up guys its about to rain and the tops down!"

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Stupid Jokes

Hardest job in the world: police sketch artist in China.

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Asian jokes Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

One day little Johnny was playing on his push car that u sit on and push with your feet.
His looked like a bus, and as such he was the bus driver.
Little Johnny would drive a little, stop, and say "all you mother fuскеrs that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuскеrs that want to get off, get off."
His mother was in the kitchen and thought surely I didn't hear him correctly.
But then once again, little Johnny stopped and said "all you mother fuскеrs that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuскеrs that want t o get off, get off."
So him mom came running out and told her young son he was to go to his room 'till he learned to play right.
About 20 minutes later Johnny came out to play.
Be reassured his mom he learned his lesson.
So, back on his bus, he began driving around again.
He stopped and said "all you nice people that want to get off, get off. And all you nice people that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuскеrs that want to know why I'm late, ask the вiтсh in the kitchen.

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Little Johnny Jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes

My husband told me to find him the best реnis еnlаrgемеnт product.
So I gave him a magnifying glass!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

Yo mama so fат she got a parking ticket for standing at a crosswalk.

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Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my ваlls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.
"YOU'RE DRUNК!" exclaimed the police officer.
"Thank God for that!" said the drunк, "I thought the steering had gone."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc.
A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily.
When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!"

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Science jokes Math Jokes

Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

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