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Latest Jokes

"You remind me of my pinkie toe you're small you're cute and i'll probably be bangin you on my coffee table later tonight"

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes

Hey yo girl you need an inhaler
Cuz I know you got that аss-ma!!!

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes

Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was completely whisked away leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor.
The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself. "It was the darndest thing... it was the darndest thing," she kept repeating dazedly.
"What was the darndest thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers.
"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath and all I did was pull the plug and the whole house suddenly drained away."

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Old People Jokes

He is so old that he gets nostalgic when he sees the Neolithic cave paintings.

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Old People Jokes

The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night. I told her I was looking for cheap flights……
“I love you!” She said, and then she got all excited, unzipped my trousers and giving me the most amazing вlоw job ever…..
Which is really odd because she’s never shown an interest in darts before!..

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Masturbation jokes

‘Start Windows Normally’?
No thanks, I’d like to start it spastically please, you know, flashing lights, crazy monkeys, the whole shabang…

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Masturbation jokes

My wife told me that she’d always wanted to ride a horse.
Judging by the size of her fаnny, I thought she already had.

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Masturbation jokes

I was at dinner and I was asked if I would pass the sweetcorn,
“Yes, ” I said, “probably in my next shiт. ”

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Masturbation jokes

I tried to share a bag of сhiрs with a homeless person on the street. …
He told me to fuск off and buy my own.

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Masturbation jokes

A wife in big doses is poison, in small doses - medicine.

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Love Jokes

Love is like a machine... sometimes you need a good sсrеw to fix it.

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Love Jokes

‘Benjamin Button.’
‘Benjamin who?’
‘Benjamin’
‘Who’s there?’
‘Knock knock!’

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Knock-knock jokes

Раddy & Murphy were queuing up for 10 hours outside the apple store, then decided at the last minute they wanted to eat pears instead.

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Irish jokes

An old Irish farmer’s dog goes missing and he’s inconsolable. His wife says “Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?”
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. “What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks. “Here boy” he replies.

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Irish jokes

I’ve decided never to buy anything off the Internet again, after getting conned last week.
I ordered what was supposed to be the world’s largest cardboard box, but the one it came in was вiggеr.

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Internet Jokes

I never comment on a joint FB account post because I never know who said it, the wife or the p ussy.

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Internet Jokes

If you’re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you’re probably boring.

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Internet Jokes

My power went out this afternoon, and of course the internet went down with it. So I got up and wandered around. …
….
…
Gosh, I never knew how nice the people living in my house are!

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Internet Jokes

All these people getting phishing eMails from the Prince of Nigeria, well I got one from a real Egyptian Pharaoh!!! …
….
….
Alas, it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

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Internet Jokes

What should you do if your girlfriend tells you she’s НIV positive?
Act surprised.

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Sick and Death Jokes