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Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.”
“I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”
“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.”
“Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”
“Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urinе sample.”
“Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”
“Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.”
“Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunк!”
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A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and then begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Кlаn outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies.
One blonde genie says to the other one, "I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."
Blonde Jokes
I don't think any would stick. I shouldn't be spreading such bad puns and drive everyone nuts. Any one butter than me? Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter? I`m not teling you. You might spread it! Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? Because she`s nuts! How is a dumb blonde like peanut butter? They spread for the bread. I told my girlfriend I was breaking up with her because she had peanut butter legs. She asked,
"What do you mean?" I said,
"Your legs are nice and smooth and easy to spread like peanut butter." What`s the feepng you get after popshing a peanut? Post nut clarity. Why are peanuts afraid of going out? They`re afraid of getting a-salted. When can peanuts laugh? When you сrаск them up! What kind of sandwiches do sharks eat? Peanut butter and Jellyfish Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks? The Shell station! What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? An astro-nut! What did applesauce say to peanut butter? You`re Nutty! Photo by Corleto Peanut butter on Unsplash
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Blonde Jokes
One day there were three astronauts a blonde, brunnete, and a redhead eating together.
The brunette said,
"Hey you guys we were the first people in outer space we should be proud of that," and they said,
"Yeah, yeah we are.
Then they start to eat again when the redhead says "Hey you guys we were the first ones on the moon we should be proud of that too." They said,
"Yeah, yeah we are."
The blonde starts thinking and about one hour later she says,
"You guys, you know how we were the first one in outer space and the first ones on the moon?" They said,
"Yeah, so?"
"So," the blonde said,
"We should be the first ones on the sun too."
The redhead says,
"You crazy blonde, if we got within a 100 mile radius of the sun we would burn up and die."
The blonde replies,
"You are the crazy, we wouldn't go during the day. We would go at night."
Blonde Jokes