Newest jokes

I got drunк yesterday and ate some scrabble tiles because it seemed fun. Now that I'm sober, I fear my next роор could spell disaster.

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What kind of a driver doesn’t know how to drive?
The screwdriver.

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My friend commented that my clothes looked pretty gаy. Well, said I, they did come out of the closet...

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I just stepped on some Cheerios on the floor.
You can call me a cereal killer now!

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Why does your dog run into the corner each time the веll rings?
He’s a Boxer.

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Why are Apple staff absolutely forbidden to fаrт in Apple stores?
Because there are no windows.

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Why are there so few schools in the jungles of eastern Africa?
Because there are too many cheetahs.

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My girlfriend bet me I’d never be able to build a car out of spaghetti. She sure looked surprised as I drove pasta.

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Somebody stole all my lamps. I couldn’t be more delighted.

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When you get depressed in the middle of winter, just chuck some butter from your window.
You’ll see a butterfly.

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I forgot to turn off the oven yesterday, but it's OK - I just got some Darth Vader cookies. A bit on the dark side.

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Starwars jokes, Yoda Jokes | Good jokes

What should a proper lawyer wear to a court?
A good law suit.

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Lawyer Jokes | Good jokes

What is a typical diet of a sea monster?
Fish and ships.

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A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.
Sadly, he lost his case.

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Aviation jokes, Flying jokes, Pilot jokes, Airplane jokes | Good jokes

One skeleton to the other: Man, I’m so hard in love with Bella, I can barely think straight. I’d love to ask her out but I just don’t have the guts.

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What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?
Lemonaid.

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Aim for the stars! But first take care of the bodyguards.

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Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.

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