Newest jokes

At school:
Johnny, where’s your homework?
Johnny: I’m very sorry, I don’t have it here.
Teacher: How come?
Johnny: I ate my exercise books.
Teacher: What?! Why would you do such a thing?!
Johnny: The dog refused to.

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Why was Little Johnny crying?
He put some of his mum’s cream on his face and then read on the label that it makes you look 10 years younger.

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Salt meets pepper on a plate and says, “I’m feeling all scattered today.”

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A boy ate some coins for fun and his parents took him to the hospital. One hour later the parents asked the nurse how it was going. Apparently, “no change yet.”

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Will sell broken marionettes. No strings attached.

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The most exciting beverage for a soccer player? The penaltea!

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Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime, no problem!

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Why did Billy throw his pocket watch out of the window?
Because he heard his parents saying that time flies.

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What would you call a female magician in the desert?
A sandwich."

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It suскs working from home today.
Peter (52), Fireman

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What does a cloud with an itchy rash do?
Finds the nearest skyscraper.

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This may come across as cheesy - but I think you’re grate.

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What did I do when I landed in Iraq by mistake?
Iran.

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Who said grapes are soft? They never cry when you step on them, they just let out a bit of wine.

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Why did the lights go out?
They liked each other a lot.

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I have the memory of an elephant.
I very clearly remember seeing an elephant once in the Chicago zoo.

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Three guys walk into a bar. Why? Because they’re blind.

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I bought shoes from a second hand shop. I think they must've belonged to some junкiе though because I've been tripping the whole day.

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