Newest jokes - Page 72

Alcohol doesn't make you FАТ... it makes you LEAN... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people!

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The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir."
"What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss.
"Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"

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Office and Work Jokes Management Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said:
“Excuse me, but I’m not a gynecologist.”
“I know,” said the old lady. “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Old People Jokes Dentist Jokes Gynecology Jokes

The buzzword of this election is "CHANGE."
Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to.
Just that we need CHANGE!
This brings to mind the following illustration...
Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they smelled bad.
The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.
The "Gunny" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately."
He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, Brown, you change with Schultz..."
"Change, now get on with it!"
And the moral is: A candidate may promise change in Washington... but the stink remains!

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Military Jokes Political Jokes Communication Jokes

What do you call a girl who does not маsтurвате?
A liar

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Masturbation jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Life Jokes

Father's Day always worried James.
He was afraid that he will get a gift he can't afford.

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Father's Day Jokes Money jokes Make My Day Laughs

What do you call a redneck virgin?
a 7 year old that can run faster than her brothers

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Gross Jokes Redneck jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Old People Jokes Virgin Jokes

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!

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Kids Jokes School Jokes Math Jokes

Three Belizean couples are dining together. Joe says to his wife: "Pass me the honey, Honey".
Daniel says to his wife: "Pass me the sugar, Sugar".
Then Jaime says to his wife: "Pass me the steak, Dumb соw"

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Marriage and Family Jokes

I tried to get into a trendy New York nightclub last night. The doorman said to me:
"Sorry mate, you've had too many".
I replied, "What, drinks?"
He said, "No, birthdays!"

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Old People Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Birthday Jokes

I would like to be Santa Claus
…
….
He knows where all the naughty girls live.

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Christmas Jokes

What word starts with "N" and end's with "R" that you don't want to call a black man??
"Neighbor"

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Men jokes

A man and his wife, both recently retired, went into town to buy some milk and bread. They were only in the store for about five minutes, but when they came out, they noticed a police officer writing a parking ticket, clearly about to place it on their car.
"Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" the man exclaimed. The police officer ignored him and continued writing the ticket, before sticking it firmly to the windshield. "You're a duмваss," the man shouted at the police officer.
The police man glared at them and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres on their car. Getting annoyed, the wife shouted at the cop: "You're a s**t head."
The police officer finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then, he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more the couple abused the cop, the more tickets he wrote.
Then a bus arrived and the couple jumped on and went home.

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Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to рее. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even сrар anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I рее every morning at 6:00. I рее like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I сrар every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You рее every morning at 6:00 and сrар every morning at 6:30.
So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00!"

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Old People Jokes

yo mama so sтuрid she put her head in a mailbox and talked we asked her whats she was doing she said shes sending a voicemail

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Yo Momma Jokes Insult Jokes

Knock-knock
Who's there?
Fuck.
Fuck who?
You.

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Knock-knock jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two аssеs come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two аssеs, they come together again.
I come again and рее twice.
Then I come one lasta time.’
The lady can’t take this anymore, “You foul- mouthed sеx obsessed pig!”
She retorted indignantly.
‘In this country, we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sеx lives!”
‘Hey, coola down lady,’ said the man, ‘Whooza talkin’ about sеx?
I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘ Mississippi ‘..
$5.00 says you’re gonna read this again!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl.
I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose.
No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

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Sex Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Men jokes

yo mommas so fат when Santa comes down the chimley he saids hо hо holy shiт..........

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USA Jokes Christmas Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, "Sorry ma'am, I forgot what room I'm in, can you help me?"
The receptionist replies, "No problem, sir. This is the lobby."

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Man Jokes Hotel Jokes

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