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Latest Jokes

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes wееd?
A: Han So-high

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Weed Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Drug Jokes

Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: "Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com."

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Business jokes Customer service jokes

Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!

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Animal Jokes

Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear?
A: Lynx

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Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Communication Jokes Internet Jokes

After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication.
When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief.
Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.

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A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ?
The logician replies: "yes".

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What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his аss.

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Q: What game does the brontosaurus like to play with humans?
A: Squash.

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Sports Jokes Dinosaur jokes

Q: What do you call a lеsвiаn with eight girlfriends?
A: An octopus.

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Lesbian jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Relationship Jokes Communication Jokes

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man knit his brow.
"Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"

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Scottish Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

When Usain Bolt finishes in 9.8 seconds. When I finish in 9.8 seconds

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Dirty jokes

Remember Apollo astronaut Neil Armstrong (When he walked on the moon he made his famous remark "one small step for Man, One giant leap for Mankind). Before re-entering the lunar lander, Armstrong made a cryptic remark:
"Good luck, Mr. Gorsky"
Armstrong would never explain his remark. However years later—in 1995, a reporter asked him about his 26yr old remark and finally Armstrong told all. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and now Armstrong could tell. Apparently when a kid, Armstrong hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbor’s bedroom window(the Gorsky’s). As he picked up the ball Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. G:
"Оrаl sеx? Оrаl sеx you want? You’ll get оrаl sеx when the kid next door walks on the moon"!

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Space jokes

Sweet candies are nice to eat, sweet words are easy to say, but sweet people are hard to find.
Oh my God!
How did you find me?

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Religion jokes God Jokes Food Jokes Flirt jokes

Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sеx?
They're called "Predickamints".

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Your momma is so ugly when she gets her beauty sleep she falls into a coma!

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My friend over there really wants your number so they know where to get a hold of me in the morning.

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When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C."
Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

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I wish my grades would smoke wееd too so we could both get higher.

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Weed Jokes School Jokes Drug Jokes

Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people?
A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.

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Democrat jokes Political Jokes

A man and wife were having argument about who should make the рот of tea in the morning.
The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first.
The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job.
The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it.
The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it.
She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".

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