Newest jokes - Page 74

Yo mama so old she had a wedding picture with George Washington.

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The policeman tells Johny at the police station following:
"The thief who wanted to steal your wallet has got: a broken nose, three broken ribs, a concussion of the brain and he misses a bunch of his hair at the back of his head."Please, tell me Johny, how much money did you have in your wallet?"
Johny: "Only three euros."
The policeman: "Goodness! I suppose that if you would have ten euros in your wallet, the thief would probably not survive your self-defense-trial."

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Police Officer Jokes Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes

You know you're a redneck when your mom, dad, aunt, and uncle are two people.

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Redneck jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says I love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says 'to hеll with you'
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn't have happened
If the rubber wouldn't have torn

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Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Vulgar jokes Funny Poems Love Jokes

Chuck Norris saw the Invisible Man.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes

Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?"
And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"

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Parent Jokes News and Politics Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Dad Jokes

A chubbier woman: "Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
Mirror: "Kindly move aside. I can't see anything."

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Jokes about Women Insult Jokes Ugly Jokes

What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster?
10% off for bringing your own сrавs.

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Dirty jokes

There is a Bar in Calumpang who have has a Horse and they have a contest of it.
Whoever will make the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free drinks.
So a man from Manila comes in and the Bartender looks at him and he ask for a вееr and he ask the Bartender about the contest.
The Bartender tells him that whoever makes the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free вееr on the house.
So this guy whisper something to the horse and the horse rolls over and laughing!
EEEHHH!
He takes the P5,000 from the Bartender, drinks a lot of вееr.
As he is about to leave the Bartender ask him, "Will you be back tomorrow when we'll have a new contest?"
The guy replies" Of course this is easier money than my career."
So the next night.
The guy walks into the Bar with a large smile and reads the sign next to the Horse:
Whoever makes the Horse cry will win P10,000 and free вееr from the house.
The Bartender tells the guy," Let me see you win this one."
The guy approaches the Horse and shows him something.
The Horse starts rolling on the ground and crying.
When the guy goes to claim his prize. The Bartender says."
Before I pay you, You have to tell me what you did to the horse?"
The guy lights a cigarette and says," Easy the first time, I told the Horse that my реnis is larger than his, the second time I showed him."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Beer Jokes

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink.
Their boyfriends are all named Georgie.
One day they decide to name their boyfriends after softdrinks to tell the difference between them.
The first one says "I'll name mine 7-up because he's seven inches and always up."
The second one says "I'll name mine MOUNTAIN DEW because he likes to mount and do me."
And the third one says "I'll name mine Jack Daniels."
The others say "Hey!
That's not a softdrink that's a hard licker!".
She says "That's My Georgie!!"

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Friendship Jokes Jokes about Women Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Q:What's black on top of white?
A: Rape
Q:What's white on top of black?
A: Society

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors."
Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Money jokes

Angry geek dad shouted to kid, "End of discussion; Semicolon;"

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Geek jokes Kids Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Dad Jokes

The teacher said to the children: "In a paddock, there were twelve sheep. Six of them got out by jumping over the fence. How many sheep left behind?"
"None", little Jim say.
"None?" says the teacher surprised. "Jim, you’re clueless in math."
"And you, misses, are clueless in sheep! As soon as the first sheep jumps out, the other will follow as well!"

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School Jokes Math Jokes

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.
"Was anything wrong with them?" the clerk asked.
"Yes," I said. "They hurt my feelings."

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Customer service jokes

An old lady has asked her priest: "please, tell me, what do you think, will I go after my death to Heaven or to Неll?"
Because the priest has heard this question already at least million times before, so he has decided to tell the old lady the last and final answer, so he has asked her: "and do you still have your own teeth?"
The old lady has said: "no, I have only a dental plate."
The priest has told her: "now, you can see, now, you can see, you will go surely to Heaven because in Неll you can hear only crying and gnashing of the teeth."

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Priest Jokes Old People Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Priest Jokes

Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid?
A: The wall maker set.

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Donald Trump Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes American Presidents Humor

A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says: "Hello world!"

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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Geek jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything.
We called him 9/12.

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Terrorist jokes Religion jokes Kids Jokes College jokes

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