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Latest Jokes

When you die, you should have your brain donated to science. I hear they're trying to come up with the perfect vacuum.

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Science jokes Insult Jokes

Congress does some strange things. They put a high tax on liquor and then raises the other taxes that drive people to drink.

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Political Jokes

What do you call a gаy bar with no bar stools?
A fruit stand.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is sтuрid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.
Operating in stand-by mode.
Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
Out there where the buses don't run.
Outlet isn't grounded.
Over the rainbow.
Overdue for reincarnation.
Overruns above 110 baud.
Paged/swapped out.
Paralyzed from the neck up.
Parents beat him with an ugly stick.
Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
People around her are at risk of second hand idiocy.
Perfect chassis, bad driver.
Perfect face for Halloween.

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Halloween Jokes

The other day it was me and my wive’s wedding anniversary, and I told her that to me she was like Неrоin.
”Why, because once you try me you come back for more?” She giggled.
”No”, I replied, ”because you ruin peoples lives.”

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Wedding jokes

An old seamstress is slowly walking back to her job from lunch, when a flasher jumps out of an alley and opens his coat wide.
The old woman looks him up and down, shakes her head sadly, and says "You call that a lining?"

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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

Мiск and Раddy are walking along when Мiск falls down an open manhole. Раddy shouts down: “What shall I do?” Мiск barks back: “Call me an ambulance!” ….
….
Раddy then jumps up and down screaming: “Мiск is an ambulance, Мiск is an ambulance.”

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Irish jokes

A man went to a bank and gave them 60 000$ worth of bonds to hold for him and he asked to take out a loan of 1$. The next year he came back to the bank to get his bonds and the accountant asked him "If you have all that money in bonds, why did you need to borrow 1$." The man replied, “Do you know any other way I can use a safety deposit box for only 7 cents a year?"

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Business jokes Money jokes Men jokes Banker Jokes

Why was the picture sent to jail?
It was framed.

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Police Officer Jokes

Chuck Norris lit a match and ended the Cold War.

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Military Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry...
He had selfie steam issues.

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One-Liner Jokes

The judge reviews the divorce case very carefully and issues his judgement. "Mr Smith, I am going to give your wife $750 a month."

Mr. Smith's replies, "That's very nice of you, judge. And every once in a while I will send her a little extra too."

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Judge and Court Jokes

If you poke Chuck Norris on facebook he will kick you.
On facebook!

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Facebook Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Bobbie to neighbor: “What are you getting your children for Christmas?”
Neighbor: “Well, if my husband doesn’t stop staying out until three in the morning, I’ll give them a new dad.”

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One-Liner Jokes Christmas Jokes

Q: Why did Dаfт Punk spend the night with a Leprechaun?
A: He was "Up all night to get lucky"

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Sex Jokes

Do you know why Orange is the official color of the University of Tennessee?
So they can hunt on Saturday, go to the game Sunday, and pick up trash along the roads on Monday.

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Redneck jokes

When someone says to me great minds think alike.
I just look at them and think, ‘you dirтy ваsтаrd’.

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Funny Quotes

Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? Because it's all heart.

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Valentine's Day Jokes

A trooper stops a car and he tells the driver he stopped him for speeding.
The irate driver says, "You're nuts, I wasn't speeding!"
The driver's wife says, "Oh you old fool you are always driving too fast!"
The driver yells at his wife, "shut up, old lady."
The trooper is taken aback by the exchange but tells the driver he also is in violation the seat belt law.
The driver once again complains that he was wearing his seatbelt.
The wife states, "You never wear your seatbelt."
Driver "I am going to smack you if you dont shut up".
Not wanting a fight the trooper asked the wife, "Does he always talk to you that way?"
"ONLY WHEN HE'S DRUNК," the wife states.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Police Officer Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes