Animal Jokes

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Q: Why did the duck travel to a dangerous neighborhood?
A: He wanted to buy some quack.

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Animal Jokes

Where do you get Virgin Wool?
From an ugly sheep!

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Animal Jokes

Q: What did the doe say when she came running out of the woods?
A: "I'll never do that for two bucks again."

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Animal Jokes

Q: What's a wok?
A: Something you throw at a wabbit.

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Animal Jokes

Q: What is a fly without wings?
A: A walk.

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Animal Jokes

Who is Marylou?!?
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."'
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."

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Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An embarassed zebra!

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Which Way?
Q: There is a house. The front is facing south and the back is facing north. The right side is facing west and the left side is facing east. If a rooster lays an egg on top of the house which way will it roll?
A: No direction: roosters don't lay eggs.

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Animal Jokes

Where's Ice Cube, Eve, and Cedric?
Q: Where did the sheep get its haircut?
A: The ba-ba shop

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Animal Jokes

When Beasts Speak!
What did the cat say to the mouse?
"The human telling this joke is attempting to anthropomorphise us!"

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Animal Jokes

A fly flies back and forth over a river repeatedly, dropping five inches each time. A fish sees it and decides it will jump and catch it when it drops.
A bear sees the fish and decides it will get the fish when it jumps.
A hunter with a cheese sandwich in his pocket sees the bear and waits for it to go for the fish to shoot it.
A mouse sees the cheese sandwich and decides to wait for the hunter to shoot so that the sandwich will fall and he can get it.
A cat sees the mouse and decides to wait for it to go for the sandwich to jump and catch it.
So, the fly drops, the fish jumps, the bear goes for it, the hunter shoots, the sandwich falls, the mouse goes for it, and the cat jumps, but he misses and goes into the water.
The moral of the story: when the fly drops five inches, the рussy gets wet.

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Animal Jokes

Q: What's purple and leaps from tree to tree?
A: Squirrel!
Q: Then why is it purple?
A: It choked on a nut...'

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Animal Jokes

What Came First...
Q: Why does a chicken lay eggs?
A: Because if she dropped them, they'd break.

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Animal Jokes

What, Exactly, Are Cats?
1. Cats do what they want, when they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be left alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody. 9. They leave their hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts. Conclusion: Cats are small women in fur coats.

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Animal Jokes

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!

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Animal Jokes

What do you do with a blue whale?
Cheer it up!

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Animal Jokes

Two whales are swimming along one day, bored. One whale spots a ship and suggests to the other, "Hey, why don''t we swim under that boat, and spurt out water so it tips over?"
"Well," says the other whale, "I''ll give it a вlоw job, but I refuse to swallow any sea men!"

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Animal Jokes

What did the thirsty whale do?
Bit the tail of a submarine and suскеd out all the sеамеn.

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Animal Jokes

Q: Why don't chickens wear underwear?
A: Because their peckers are on their faces!

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Animal Jokes

Q: What kind of pillar can't hold up a building?
A: A caterpillar.

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Animal Jokes