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Animal Jokes

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What do a walrus and tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal!
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Animal Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.
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Animal Jokes
Q: What does a vulgаr chicken say?
A: F**k, f**k, f**k...
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Animal Jokes
Q: What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
A: A fly can fly, but a mosquito cannot mosquito.
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Animal Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Sex Jokes
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Ferrarri?
Porcupines have рriскs on the outside...
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Animal Jokes Car and driving jokes Insult Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Why do people in vermont were kilts?
Sheep can hear zippers from a mile away.
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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes
Q: Why do fireflies light up while they are having sеx?
A: They're so turned on.
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Animal Jokes
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What do you get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole? Q: A 20-foot соск that want to reach out and touch someone.
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Animal Jokes
Q: What weighs 2,000 pounds and lays at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Moby's d**k.
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Animal Jokes
One day in a small redneck town in the middle of nowhere sat a lonely bartender in an empty bar.
As he was getting ready to close down, three ducks walked through the front doors. They waddled on over to the bar and grabbed a stool. The bartender walked over them looked at the first duck and said, ''How was your day?'' ''Not too bad, since I was in and out of puddles all day,'' replied the duck. ''What is your name?'' the bartender asked. ''Hewy, and I'll have a вееr.''The bartender asks the next duck the same question and gets the same answer, that his day was pretty good because he was in and out of puddles all day, and his name was Dewy. The bartender looks at the third duck and says, ''Let me guess your name is Lewy'' The duck looked up at him with a tired look on his face and said, ''My name is puddles, and don't ask me how my вlооdy day was!''
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Animal Jokes Beer Jokes
What do you get when you cross a bulldog and a shih tzu?
Bullshit!
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Animal Jokes Vampire jokes
Q: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
A: If it had four, it would be a sedan.
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Animal Jokes Car and driving jokes
Two little snakes were hissing near their pit.
The mother snake came out and said, ''What are you doing hissing near our pit. If you want to hiss go over to Mrs. Pott's pit and hiss. The two little snakes went over to Mrs. Pott's pit to hiss. Mrs. Potts came out and said, ''Hey you two little snakes, what are you doing hissing near my pit? If you want to hiss, go back over to your own pit and hiss!'' The two little snakes went back to their own pit to hiss. Their mother came out and said, ''What are you doing hissing near our pit? I thought I told you to go over to Mrs. Pott's house to hiss. They said, Mrs. Potts said if we wanted to hiss we had to go back to our own pit to hiss. The mother snake said, ''Well, I knew Mrs. Potts before she had a pit to hiss in.''
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Animal Jokes
Q: What is a fish's favorite game show?
A: "Name That Tuna."
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Animal Jokes
Help. I Lost My Crippled Turtle.
Where do you find a turtle with no arms and no legs? Wherever you put it, duмваss.
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Animal Jokes
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.
Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless. "I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.
"NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised."
Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.
"Just for that, I'm not going."
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Animal Jokes
What do you call a turtle with an еrестiоn?
A slow poke!
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Animal Jokes
There once was a lion, whose best friend was a turkey.
There was a great famine and the lion was pretty hungry, so the turkey ate him and put him out of his misery.
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Animal Jokes
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
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Animal Jokes
One Thanksgiving, a friend and I were walking down a main street in Albany when a man comes up to me and gives me a turkey and says, "Happy Thanksgiving!
" Without hesitation my friend knocks him out. I asked my friend why he punched the nice man. My friend said, "He gave you the bird!"
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