Animal Jokes - Page 37

A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey.
The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great рот.
So the little lizard climbed up the tree.
The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint.
The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth.
Well there is a river just down there.
So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water.
All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water.
Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got sтоnеd with my pal the monkey."
"Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some."
He is through the brush and up the tree.
So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree.
The monkey said "holy shiт how much did you drink little buddy."

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How did the farmer find his lost соw?
He tractor down.

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Farmer Jokes Car and driving jokes Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green.
I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron."
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog.
I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one.
Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next.
"Ribbit. Vegas."
We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first.
"Ribbit. Roulette."
We went up to the roulette table, and I won big.
I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel.
I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it.
"Ribbit. Kiss me."
I figured, what the hеll, and I kissed the frog.
It turned into a 15-year-old girl.
That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly.
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Sports Jokes Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes Golf jokes Hotel Jokes

A real man would never cry in public unless:
He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master.
Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt.
Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of вееr.

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Men jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes Dog jokes

Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Class: "Brotherly love."

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Student jokes School Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Love Jokes

A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head.
The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my аss?

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Democrat jokes Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Political Jokes

One day on a plane there were 100 bricks and one fell off. How many are left? 99
What are the three steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge? 1. open the fridge 2. put the giraffe in 3.close the fridge
What are the 4 steps to putting a rhino in the fridge? 1. open the fridge 2. take out the giraffe 3. put the rhino in. 4. close the fridge.
The animals were throwing a party and all the animals but one came. What was it? The rhino
A girl crossed a low bridge over crocodile infested water, but didn't die. Why? The crocodiles were at the party.
When she got to the other side she died though. Why?
A brick fell from a plane and hit her on the head

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Animal Jokes

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says: "Dam"

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Fishing Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: How did the elephant destroy the database?
A: His truncate it.

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IT jokes Animal Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Geek jokes

Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: What animal has the most kids.
A: A sреrм whale.

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Animal Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.

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Pet Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes American Jokes Dog jokes

A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
"Oh well", the man says and flies away.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Boss Jokes

A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner.
The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount.
The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street.
Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell.
When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard.
Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!"
The owner replies, "I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".

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Pet Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Dog jokes

The mommy Cobra with her little son are taking a “walk”.
The little cobra asks; "Mommy, are we poisonous?"
"Yes, we are. Why you ask?"
The little cobra asks again; "Are you sure that we’re poisonous?"
"Yes I am!" says the mom with pride.
The little one asks again; "Are you very very sure that we’re very poisonous?"
"Dамn sure! We’re the most poisonous snakes in the whole world! But why you ask?"
The little cobra burst into tears; "Cause I bit my tongue a bit before!"

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Animal Jokes

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes

What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day?
A forty-carrot wedding ring.

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Wedding jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes

Q: What do you call a соw playing with its self?
A: Beef stroganoff.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A harenet.

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Fishing Jokes Animal Jokes

Where do Russian cows come from?
Moscow.

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Russian Jokes Animal Jokes