Animal Jokes - Page 49

Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?
He was already stuffed!

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What is the definition of "derange"?
De place where de cowboys ride.

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Animal Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer:
"Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

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Animal Jokes Religion jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Christian Jokes

There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up.
He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rестuм.
Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?"
To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips."
Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?"
"No, but it stops me from licking them!"

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Church jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day.
One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Baby Jokes

Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!

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Animal Jokes Easter Jokes

Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.

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Animal Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus?
A: Captain Squid.

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Animal Jokes Sailor Jokes Military Jokes Pirate Jokes

Q: What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
A: Bugs bunny.

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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes

Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?
A. Because every time she got hot, he d beat her with a shovel!

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Animal Jokes Divorce Jokes

One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

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Animal Jokes Bible Jokes

I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.

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Animal Jokes Kids Jokes

I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.

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Animal Jokes

Fred came home from his first day at school.
"Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her."

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School Jokes Animal Jokes

First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.

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Animal Jokes

Animal Facts
1. Hippo milk is pink.
2. If you put alcohol on a scorpion, it will sting itself to death.
3. Vampire bats are one of few mammals that will adopt an orphan our risk its own life to give food to a less fortunate roostmate.
4. Squirrels forget where they hide over half of their nuts.
5. Kittens sleep so much because they only release a special growth hormone while they sleep.
6. It is impossible for pigs to look up at the sky.
7. Sheep can survive two weeks buried in a snow drift.
8. A four foot long walrus реnis воnе sold for $8000 on ebay in 2007.
9. A whale реnis is called a dork.
10. Elephants weigh less than a Blue Whale's tongue.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Vampire jokes

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up".
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says "Whoa, Тоnто. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shiт, and disappear for the rest of the day."

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Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Management Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Boss Jokes Coffee Jokes

A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police.
The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man.
"Is there a fат bird in my car?"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Fat Jokes

A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."

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Saint Peter and Pearly Gates Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.

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Animal Jokes Prison Jokes