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Animal Jokes

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How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
They both wear stripes.
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Animal Jokes Military Jokes
What’s the difference between a black and a white bull?
The white bull does:
“Mooo”.
The black bull does:
“Hey man, Mooo, man!”
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Animal Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?
Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Cannibal Jokes
A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?"
The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?"
The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..."
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Разговарят две змии: Snake Bite Είμαστε δηλητηριώδη; Φίδια. Δηλητηριώδη ползут две змеи и одна у другой спрашивает: - слушай, мы сильно... Αχ αυτά τα φιδάκια Το φιδάκι Две змии изпълзели от един ресторант. По едно време едната видимо неспокойна, попитала другата: Две пьяные змеи выползают из бара. Одна говорит: Две змии си говорят: Last words of a highly poisonous snake? Fragt die kleine Schlange ihre Mutter: Treffen sich zwei Schlangen in der Wüste, fragt eine die andere: Una piccola vipera va dalla sua mamma e le chiede: The mommy Cobra with her little son are taking a “walk”. The little cobra asks; "Mommy, are we poisonous?" "Yes, we are. Why you ask?" The little cobra asks again; "Are you sure that we’re poisonous?" "Yes I am!" says the mom with pride. The little one asks again; "Are you very very sure that... Was sind die letzten Worte einer Giftschlange? "Mist! Ich habe mir auf die Zunge gebissen!" Två ormar möts bakom en sten: - Vet du om vi är giftiga? - Varför undrar du det? - Jo, för jag råkade bita mig i underläppen... Uma cobra pergunta à outra: - Será que sou muito venenosa? - Achou que sim. Por quê? - Mordi a língua. İki laz yılan olan Temel’le İdris yolda gidiyorlarmış. Birden Temel İdris’e dönüp: "Ula İdris biz zehirli miydik yoksa zehirsiz mu?" diye sormus. İdris şaşırmış "Ula ne oldu gene" demiş. Temel de:... İki deli kendilerini yılan sanıyorlarmış.Bir gün duvarın üzerinde güneşlenirlerken biri bağırmış; - "Eyvah dilimi ısırdım,zehirlenip öleceğim!.. Öteki-"Yahu ne aptalsın..Biz zehirli yılan değiliz ki.. Uma cobrinha, muita nervosa, chega para a cobra-mãe e pergunta: — Mamãe, nós somos venenosas? — Somos sim, filha. Por quê? — É porque eu acabei de morder a minha língua. Duas cobras conversam: — Soube da última? — Que última? — A Najilda... — O que tem? — Morreu! — Sério? De quê? Levou uma paulada? — Não... Pior! — Tomou uma machadada? Um tiro? — Pior! Muito pior!... Twee slangen zitten in de woestijn. De ene slang zegt tegen de andere: ‘Ik hoop niet dat ik giftig ben.’ ‘Waarom?’ vraagt de andere slang. ‘Omdat ik net op mijn tong heb gebeten!’ Се шетале две змии, мајка и ќерка. По некое време ќерката ја прашува мајката: - Мамо, мамо! Абе ние отровни змии сме? - Зошто ме прашуваш ќерко? - Затоа што си го гризнав јазикот! ¿Qué le dijo una serpiente a otra? - ¿Somos venenosas? - No, ¿Por qué? - Es que me acabo de morder la lengua. Two snakes are talking. One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?" The other replays, "Yes,why?..." "I just bit ma lip." Det var en gång två ormar som var i öknen. Plötsligt sa den ena: - Du,är vi giftiga? - Vadå då? - Jag bet mig just i tungan… Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?" The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?" To which the first replied,... Doi serpi in desert: - Auzi, ba, noi sintem veninosi? - Da, ba... da' de ce? - Mi-am muscat limba! Doi serpi in desert. Tata si fiu. Fiul: - Tata,tata noi suntem veninosi? Tatal nu raspunde. Fiul intreaba iar: Fiul: - Tata,tata noi suntem veninosi? Tatal iar nu raspunde. Fiul intreaba iar Fiul:... Yılan Temel, arkadaşı yılana sormuş: - Haçan, biz zehirli yilan miyuk? - Heee, n'oldu ki? - Dilimi ısırdum da... Un serpente va d a un altro serpente e dice: "Sssenti amico posssso farti una domanda? ma noi sserpenti ssiamo velenosssi?" L'altro serpente: "Ma non sssso perchè?!" L'altro: "No perchè mi sono... Ci sono due serpenti uno si chiama Giovanni e l'altro Marco e Marco dice: "Giovanni qual è il serpente più velenoso?" E lui: "Sta' zitto e cammina" E ancora: "Giovanni qual è il serpente più... 2 slangen zitten in het bos. En een slang zegt tegen de anderen: Zijn wij giftig? Hoezo??zegt de ander. Ik heb net op mijn tong gebeten! In Egitto ci sono due serpenti, i più velenosi del mondo, che parlano fra di loro, ad un certo punto uno dice all'altro: "Ma noi siamo velenosi?" E l'altro: "Si molto!" E lui: "Ma velenosi... İki yılan ormanda sürünerek ilerliyorlarmış. Yılanın biri, diğer yılana şormuş: - Abicim, biz zehirli yılan mıyız? - Evet, nolduki? - Hiiç, dilimi ısırdımda Il serpente figlio alla mamma: "Mamma, e' vero che siamo velenosi!". "No, e' solo una calunnia". "Meno male perche' mi sono morsicato la lingua!". Een slang zegt tegen een andere slag "zijn we giftig"? "Hoezo", vraagt de andere slang, "omdat ik op mijn tong gebeten heb". Er lopen twee slangen door de woestijn. Zegt de ene: "Zijn wij giftig?" Zegt de ander: "Hoezo?" "Nou, ik heb net op Mijn tong gebeten." Δυο φίδια συζητάνε: - Ρε συ, ξέρεις αν είμαστε δηλητηριώδη; - Όχι δεν είμαστε, γιατί ρωτάς; - Δάγκωσα τη γλώσσα μου ρε γαμώτο! Twee slangen lopen door de woestijn zegt de een tegen de ander 'zijn we giftig Ja wat dan Ik heb op me tong gebeten Šliaužia dvi gyvatės ir viena sako kitai: - Ar mes nuodingos?,- sako pirmoji gyvatė. - Ne,o kodėl klausi?, - atsako antroji. - Na, supranti, aš i lūpą įsikandau. Ci sono due serpenti nel prato di casa mia. Un serpente dice all'altro: - "Siamo mica velenosi?" - "No" - "E come lo fai a sapere?" - "Perché prima mi sono morso la lingua". Δύο φίδια σέρνονται στο χώμα. Ξαφνικά γυρνάει το ένα και λέει στο άλλο: - Μήπως είμαστε δηλητηριώδη; - Όχι απαντά το άλλο, αλλά γιατί ρωτάς; - Ευτυχώς γιατί δάγκωσα τη γλώσσα μου.
Animal Jokes
Q. What did the frog say to the fly?
A. You are really starting to bug me!
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Animal Jokes
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?
They re both brown, except the snowball.
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Animal Jokes
What do you call a соw who argues with her husband?
A bullfighter.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes
One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.
Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!
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Animal Jokes
When is a lion not a lion?
When he turns into his cage.
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Animal Jokes
What is a buttress?
A female goat.
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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes
Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street?
Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga.
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Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Dog jokes
Chuch Norris stood next to a bear and was told he had to leave because the bear was scared.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
It's a place of udder delight.
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Animal Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes
How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed?
You can smell the carrots on his breath.
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.
Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal.
Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.
They take it into the car and continue down the road.
The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?
He thinks for a minute and says,
" Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch.
Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down."
She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that!
That thing is smelly and nasty!"
The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
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Animal Jokes
Yo mommas so sтuрid when she licked a dog she said meow.
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Animal Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes
Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
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