Attitude Jokes

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Do you like the internet? Cause I can put you on there if you come back to my place.

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Attitude Jokes Internet Jokes

Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. *Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.*

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Facebook Jokes Attitude Jokes

You must be a full moon, coz everytime you are around me, I turn into a beast.

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Attitude Jokes

You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

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Attitude Jokes

Remember: You can eat your way out of almost any problem.

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Attitude Jokes

I like to hold hands at the movies... which always seems to startle strangers.

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Attitude Jokes

Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you.

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Attitude Jokes

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

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Attitude Jokes

Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.

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Attitude Jokes

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

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Attitude Jokes

Autocorrect just changed "I have so much anxiety I can barely breathe" to "I'm fine."

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Attitude Jokes

You don't notice the air, until someone spoils it.

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Attitude Jokes

I may not be Dairy Queen, baby, but I'll treat you right!

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Attitude Jokes

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

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Attitude Jokes

You're not sure - outrun and make sure.

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Attitude Jokes

If the fortune has turned her back on you, you can do whatever you want behind her back.

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Attitude Jokes

I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.

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Attitude Jokes

If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story.

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Attitude Jokes

I wish I could get bitten by a radioactive confident person.

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Attitude Jokes

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

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Attitude Jokes