Walks into a Bar, Bar jokes, Bartender jokes

A 60 years old billionaire came to the bar with his gorgeous 25 years old wife.
Friend : How did you marry her?
Billionaire : I lied about my age.
Friend : You said 45?
Billionaire : No, I said 90.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

So Donald Trump walks into a bar...
And lowers it

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Bar and Bartender Jokes American Presidents Humor

A blind man walks into a bar
The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!"
The blind man says "same"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A Spanish, Greek and Portuguese man go to a bar. Who pays for the drinks?
The German!

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Spanish jokes

I went to the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said,
"Good legs."
The girl giggled and said,
"Do you really think so?"
I said,
"Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A sреrм donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar Walked into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

The bartender says, “Go home. We don’t serve faster-than-light-particles here.”
A tachyon walks into a bar.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A North Korean Soldier Walks Into A Bar
The bartender asks, "How's it going?" The North Korean soldier replies,
"Can't complain!"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Military Jokes

A cat walks into a bar.
The bartender says,
"What'll you have?"
The cat says,
"A shot of ruм."
The bartender pours the cat his drink.
The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table.
"Another."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Cat jokes

Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says "what's your story?" Caveman says...
Bear with me...

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman. He woke up in the morning and yelled,
"A crocodile, a crocodile!"
The woman woke up and asked,
"Where, where?"
A man cried again,
"O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!"

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man walks into a nearly empty bar and orders a drink. He's sitting alone at the end of the bar, sipping away, and he hears a voice.
"Nice shirt."
He looks around and sees no one nearby. He forgets about it and continues drinking.
"Nice tie," the voice says again.
He looks around a second time. The bartender and all other customers are at the other side of the room. Confused, the man calls the bartender over and asks about the mysterious voice that admired his clothing.
"Oh, that's the peanuts," the bartender said.
"The peanuts?" asked the man.
"Yeah, they're complimentary."

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

This Refrigeration Truck Driver goes into the bar and he asks the bartender "I'd like to have a shot of Gin."
The bartender decides to have some fun with him.
So the bartender says "All right, what kind of gin would you like?"
The trucker said "You mean there's more than one kind of gin?"
Bartender says "Sure. You've got Hydrogen, Oxyogen, and Nitrogen."
The trucker said "Oh!!!! Well, did you know there are three kinds of turds?"
Bartender says "What do you mean three kinds of turds?"
Trucker says "Well, you've got Mustard, Custard, and you, you big shiт. Now give me my gin."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

An Irishman is really, really drunк, so the bar keeper walks up to him and says:
"Right, you've had enough, go home..."
So the irishman gets up off his stool and falls flat on his face, so he says:
"Ok, ai'll crawl outside instead, to sober up a bit more"
He gets outside, and falls flat on his face, so instead he crawls the four streets to his home.
When he gets home he opens the door, standing, and yet again falls flat on his face.
So he crawls upstairs into his room, stands up and falls flat on his bed and falls fast asleep straight away.
The following morning his wife wakes him up and says, 'You've been drinking again haven't you?'
The Irishman replies, 'What makes you say that?'
His wife replies, 'Well the pub just called, you've left your wheelchair there again!'

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Marriage and Family Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm.
He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender.
The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks.
He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom.
Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks.
After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation.
"What's your name?"
He says to one of the ducks.
"Huey," answers the first duck.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great.
Lovely day.
Had a ball.
Been in and out of puddles all day."
"Oh, that's nice," says the bartender.
Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?".
"Dewey," comes the answer.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball.
Been in and out of puddles all day.
If I had the chance, I would do it all again."
So the bartender turns to the third duck and says,
"So, you must be Louie."
"No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."

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Animal Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Pavlov walks into a bar.
The phone rings, and he says,
"Dамn, I forgot to feed the dog."

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Animal Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Phone jokes

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a вееr.
The bartender approaches and says,
"We don't serve вееr to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a вееr.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve вееr to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says,
"If you don't serve me a вееr, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says,
"Sorry, we don't serve вееr to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a вееr.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve вееr to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says,
"I'm NOT on drugs."
Te bartender says,
"You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

A brain walks into a bar and says,
"Ill have a pint of вееr please.
"The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I cant serve you."
"Why not?" askes the brain.
"Youre already out of your head."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?
"Olive or twist?"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

What did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar?
Gimme a slug of whiskey.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes