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Dad Jokes

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Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues

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Dad Jokes

Daughter:
"Dad, a kid at school called me a lеsвiаn."
Dad:
"Smack her in the mouth and kick her in the vаginа."
Daughter:
"But dad she is cute."
Dad: ...

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

So a kid walks in the house and says:
" mommy, mommy, I found daddy"
. And the mother says:
" stop digging around in the garden, and let you Father rest in peace.

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Dad Jokes

Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn’t real
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005

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Dad Jokes

A father is having dinner with his son and says,
"Son tell me a lie," and the son says,
"Dad."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

Ben:
"Dad, there is a hole in my shoe."
Dad:
"Yes, Ben, that's where you put your foot."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?" The dad says,
"A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family." The kid says,
"I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm when she remembered her dad's advice:
"If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it." Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, "Lady, why are you following me?" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said,
"Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot now. Do you want to follow me to Best Buy?"

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Dad Jokes

As I was driving home I hit a cat.
When I got home my dad said
" Why are you getting home so late?"
I said back "I creamed some рussy."

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Dad:
"Say 'daddy.'"
Baby:
"Mommy!"
Dad:
"Come on, say 'daddy!'"
Baby:
"Mommy!"
Dad:
"fuск you. Say 'daddy!'"
Baby:
"fuск you. Mommy!"
Mom:
"Honey, I'm home!"
Baby:
"fuск you!"
Mom:
"Who taught you to say that?"
Baby:
"Daddy!"
Dad:
"Son of a b*tch."

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Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

A guy is sitting at a bar, and a drunк dude walks up to him, calling his mom a whоrе. The first guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his вееr. An hour goes by and the drunк dude comes back saying, "Your mom is a whоrе!" The first guy looks around the bar, sees people staring and says,
"Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunк dude walks up a third time and says,
"Your mom... is such... a whоrе!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says,
"You know what, Dad? Go home!"

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Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

Son:
"Dad, when will I be old enough so I don't have to ask mom for her permission to go out?"
Dad:
"Son, even I haven't grown old enough to go out without her permission!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood. His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gаy. The father says,
"Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies,
"Yeah, but he's so cute!"

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

My daughter woke up this morning and one of her four hamsters had died.
"Dad, I want another one just like it," she said.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Yes," she replied.
So I reached into the cage, pulled out a second hamster and threw it hard against the wall.

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Dad Jokes

Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Because they were trans-parents!

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Dad Jokes

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight . When Grandpa found a bottle of Viаgrа in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said,
"I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow. " Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said,
"I told you each pill was $10, not $110. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

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Money jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

Me: Dad can I have a dog?
Dad: A cat!? What the hеll you want a hamster for? A goldfish is more than enough. Here's a collar, put it on your sister

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Dad Jokes

'Hey Dad, do you know any jokes?'
'Sure Son, go ask your mother what she does for a living'

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Dad Jokes

Dad: Why are your eyes so red?
Son: I was smoking marijuana
Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you're a faggot

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Dad Jokes