Dad Jokes

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One day I came home from school and said to my dad ‘I got expelled from school today’ he said ’ how’ I said I threw my book at the teacher’ he asked why’ I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can’t hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. ’

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School Jokes Dad Jokes

Dad: you better pass your exam or else forget me as your father!
Son: .....
Son: sure, whatever dad.
Five hours later
Dad: so how was your exam?
Son: who the hеll are you?!
Kickass if you get it
By mary z jing so my friends will know

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Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. “What are you doing?”, the boys asks his mother. “I’m jumping on daddy to make him thin”,said the mother. Don’t bother", said the boy," when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again"

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

Daughter: Dad
Dad: Yes honey
Daughter: Im Lesbian
Dad: Ok
Daughter 2: Dad
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: Im lеsвiаn too
Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here
Son: I do…

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God Jokes Dad Jokes

One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work…
He’s a suicide bomber.

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Office and Work Jokes Dad Jokes

“Daddy whats a Transvestite”
“Ask mommy, he knows.”

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Dad Jokes

Instead of "who's your daddy" I accidentally said "how's your daddy" and we put our clothes back on and started discussing her dad's cholesterol.

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage
Kid: Why are you doing that?
Dad: So you won’t get bored there

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Dad Jokes

“I want to be a millionaire. Just like my dad!”
“Wow, your dad’s a millionaire?”
“No, but he always wanted to be.”

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Dad Jokes

After an MCAT exam, a father asks his son, "How did it go son?"
Young man, looking rather reproachful, replied, "It went well dad. In fact, it went so well that I will retake it again next year."

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School Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Dad Jokes

A family walks into a talent agency.
It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog.
The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act.
You should represent us."
The agent says,
"Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says,
"Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says,
"OK. OK. I'll take a look."

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son:why?
Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

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Animal Jokes Dad Jokes

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct

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Dad Jokes

There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.
The judge says,
"Do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no!
He beats me!".
The judge says,"you want to live with your mom?"
"No! she beats me too!".
So the judge says,
"Who do you want to live with then?"
The kid says,
"The Cleveland Browns... They can't beat anybody!"

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

My dad is retired now, and he moved to Florida. And its really great to be able to finally go down and visit him now that hes finally able to do those things in life that hes always wanted to do, which apparently is start drinking at noon and then head on out to buy me ugly shirts.

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Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dad Jokes

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.

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Dad Jokes

My dad always said,
"Work until your bank account looks like a phone number" so I did.
Account balance: $9.11

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Dad Jokes

A boy asked his dad, "What's the difference between a woman and a slаvе?" His father replies,
"I don't know, what?" His son says,
"No, I was asking a question."

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Jokes about Women Dad Jokes Sexist Jokes

I saw a woman in the supermarket, struggling to control her kids. She looked really stressed. Then she accidentally knocked over and smashed a bottle of milk.
She dropped to her knees and burst into tears, surrounded by spilled milk. It reminded me of something my dad used to say to my mum, so I walked over to her and said;
“Get a fuскing grip, you sтuрid вiтсh.”

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Sexist Jokes