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Dad Jokes

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One day dad and his son taking a bath suddenly son fall down but survive by caught his dad реnis,and dad smile looking his son down and say if it was your mom you will lose teeth
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A 5 year old kid opened his birthday present to find a new toy car. He went up to his father who had just finished dying his hair. The kid was upset. “Dad, I wanted a red toy car and not a blue one.”
The father replied, “A car is a car. Red or blue, color doesn’t matter.”
The kid said, “Then dad, hair is hair. White or black, color doesn’t matter.”
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Boy: hey baby, maybe you should come over and I can show you a good time. It's really hard
Girls dad: this is Serena's dad, what exactly will she be doing with something hard?
Boy: oh... Hey mr Gonzales I was wandering if Serena wanted to come play video games with me on hard mode.
Girls dad: well Serena isn't have now but I could come over and try, I love video games.
Boy: I don't think it's hard anymore...
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Chris had just turned 16 had long hair, and look like Joe Dirt. He went to his dad and asked:
"Dad it is my 16th birthday! I would like you to by me a car for my birthday.” So his dad replied, "Son, I will buy you any car that you want as long as you raise your grades AND cut your hair." Chris said ok. The next week, Chris brought home a report card he had raised all his grades from c's and d's to all a's. His father was very happy! Now Chris was so excited he told his dad what car he wanted a, convertible mustang (red). His dad said,
"Chris you haven't cut your hair." Chris replied, "Well Jesus had long hair." His dad said,
"Yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went!"
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Joe’s dad scolded him for breaking a neighbor’s window with a baseball. “What did he say to you when you broke his window?” asked the father. “Do you want to hear what he said with or without the bad words?” “Without, of course.”
“Well, then, he said nothing.”
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Was ist los? Семейството на Иванчо живеели в едностаен апартамент. Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. Zenek i Maria uznali, że aby mięć chwilę dla siebie w niedzielne popołudnie, jedynym wyjściem jest wysłać syna na balkon i poprosić go o komentowanie tego, co się dzieje w okolicy. Chłopiec zaczyna komentować, a rodzice robią swoje. - Holują samochód na parking - mówi - przejechała karetka.... Подружня пара. Чоловік каже: - Люба, давай займемося коханням? - Як? У нас однокімнатна квартира і маленький Вовчик! Як ми йому пояснимо? - А я дам йому бінокль. Дають Вовочці бінокль, підводять до вікна і просять коментувати, що він там бачить. Вовочка: - Ось я бачу дорогу. Ось зупинка, до неї... Os pais do Joãozinho descobriram que o único jeito de se livrarem de seu filho de sete anos por algumas horas no domingo para fazerem sexo seria colocá-lo na varanda do apartamento e pedir para ele... Het is zondagmiddag en de ouders van Jantje hebben onweerstaanbare zin in een potje sex. Helaas, Jantje is in het appartement en omdat er slecht weer voorspeld is hebben ze liever dat Jantje niet... Johan och Maria kom underfund med att det enda sättet att få till en söndagssnabbis var att skicka ut deras tioårige son på balkongen för att rapportera vad som hände i grannskapet. Pojken... Móricka szülei, hogy zavartalanul szeretkezhessenek, kitalálják, hogy kiküldik az erkélyre Mórickát, és kérik, hogy folyamatosan mondja, amit lát. Móricka ki is megy és mondja: - A szomszéd most... C'est Samedi après-midi et Zé et Ginette ont une sacrée envie d'un peu d'intimité pour une partie de jambes en l'air. Malheureusement pour eux, Momo leur fils est dans l'appartement et comme il... Les parents de Toto ont envie d’une petite après-midi coquine et intime. Ils demandent donc à leurs fils d’aller prendre l’air sur le balcon et de noter les activités des voisins. Sur le balcon,... Föräldrarna hade länge funderat över hur de skulle få till en söndagssnabbis utan att deras 10 åriga son Anders skulle se dem. De kom på att han kunde gå ut på balkongen och berätta vad som hände i... Vīrs ar sievu nolemj, ka vienīgais veids, kā svētdienas pēcpusdienā pamīlētos savā dzīvoklī, kur ir arī viņu desmitgadīgais dēls, ir izsūtīt viņu uz balkona un paprasīt lai viņš ziņo par ārā... A little johnnys parents decided that the only way to have a quickie while their son johnny was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was... Mama si tatal lui Bula stateau la garsoniera. Ei vroiau sa faca sex si nu stiau cum sa scape de Bula. Ii vine o idee tatalui : T: Bula ia iesi tu pe balcon si zi ce mai e pe afara. Bula se duce si... Nutarė Petriuko tėvai pasimylėti. Bet Petriukas vis namuose trinasi, niekur eiti nenori. O butas – vieno kambario. Na, tėvai ir sugalvojo klastą – liepė eiti Petriukui į balkoną, ir pasakoti, kas... Ein junges Paar mit fünfjährigem Sohn hat keinen Babysitter gefunden, also denken sie sich: "Lassen wir ihn doch auf der Terrasse und sagen wir ihm, dass er uns über alles informieren soll, was er...
Wanting to have a quick love-making session, the couple told their 8-year-old son to go stand on the balcony with a popsicle and to report to them all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into action.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike."
A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving... and Jason is on his skate board." A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sеx."
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sеx?"
"Because Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a popsicle too."
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Why are these kids bringing all these guns to school? And the parents never know:
'Oh, we had no idea. We didn't know.' How could you not know that your kids are making 30 pipe bombs in the garage? My dad knew if I broke wind in the backyard.
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Girl: Mom, what's the difference between sеx and rаре?
Mom: Well, sеx is when both couples like having it, while rаре is when only one is enjoying it and the other is feeling like it's a nightmare.
Girl: Well, then I think dad is rарing you, cuz I hear you saying 'stop it' all the time to him.
Mom: ...
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“Dad, what’s a Тrаnny?” asked my eight year old.
“I’m surprised someone your age knows that word, son,” I replied. “It’s an old name for a portable radio.”
“Now tell me,” I continued. “What do you think of my new dress?”
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“Mummy, mummy, what’s a рussy?” asked the small boy. His mother went to the encyclopaedia and showed him a picture of a cat. “That’s a рussy,” she said. “Mummy, mummy, what’s a вiтсh?” continued the little boy. Again, mother consulted the encyclopaedia and showed her son a picture of a dog. But the boy wasn’t convinced so he went to his father and asked him what a рussy was. Dad went to his magazine, opened it at the centrefold and drew a circle. “There you are, son,” he said, “that’s a рussy.” Then the little boy asked him what a вiтсh was and dad replied sadly, “Everything outside the circle, son
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Baby boy: *Gurgling*
Mother: Aww, you're soo cute I'll give you a kiss
Dad: Let me as well
Baby boy: Ha, GAYYYYYY!
Dad: ...
Dad: Where did he learn that?
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Samson was a biblical tough guy, but his dad Samsonite was even more of a hard case.
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My Dad is obsessed with The Beatles, he’s got all but one of their albums.
I think he needs Help.
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Арктика. Вървят една голяма бяла мечка и едно малко бяло меченце. wirklich ein Eisbär ΠΟΛΙΚΑ ΖΗΤΗΜΑΤΑ Πολικό αρκουδάκι На льдине сидит белая медведица, а вокруг нее бегает и прыгает медвежонок. Un cucciolo di orso va dalla mamma e le chiede: “Mamma, io che tipo di orso sono?” “Sei un orso polare!” L'orsacchiotto insiste: “Mamma, sei sicura che io non sia un orso bruno?” “Certo che sono sicura, sei un orso polare come me e tuo padre! Non soddisfatto, il cucciolo va dal padre e gli... Κάποτε στις παρυφές του Βορείου Πόλου (στις ποιες;), η πόρτα του ιγκλού ανοίγει και μπαίνει τρέχοντας το αρκουδάκι. Πηγαίνει στον πατέρα του που διάβαζε τα κατεξοχήν κατεψυγμένα νέα, και με διστακτικό ύφος τον ρωτάει.. - Μπαμπάαα;.. - Τι είναι παιδί μου; απαντάει αφηρημένος ο πατέρας αρκούδος -... Un petit ours-polaire inquiet demande à sa mère : - "Maman, suis-je un vrai ours polaire?" La maman de répondre : - "Mais bien sûr petit, tu es un vrai ours polaire. Je suis un vrai ours-polaire et ton papa est un vrai ours-polaire donc, toi qui est notre petit, tu es un vrai ours-polaire!" Le... Ein kleiner Eisbär geht zu seiner Mutter und fragt: „Mama, bist Du auch ein Eisbär?“ „Ja, sicher.“ „Wenn Du einer bist bin ich sicher auch einer. Und Papa? Ist das auch ein Eisbär?“ „Ja; ein großer... Eisbärenmama und Eisbärenbaby sitzen auf einer Eisscholle. Eisbärenbaby: "Bist du ein richtiger Eisbär?" Eisbärenmama: "Ja, mein Kind." Eisbärenbaby: "Und Papa, ist der auch ein richtiger Eisbär?"... A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. Im all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her... En el Polo Norte estaba una osa polar sentada en el hielo y se le acerca el osito polar y le pregunta: - Mamá, mamá, ¿Yo soy 100% oso polar, verdad? Y su madre le contesta: - ¡Sí hijo, eres 100%... Este era un osito polar y va donde su mamá y le pregunta .. "mamá, mamá ¿ estas segura que soy un osito polar?" y la mamá le responde.."si hijito eres un osito polar"... Al rato despues vuelve el... Soğuk bir kutup gecesinde yavru kutup ayısı annesine yaklaşarak; - Anneeee, ben kutup ayısı mıyım? - Evet oğlum. - Peki anneee sen de kutup ayısı mısın? - Evet oğlum. - Peki anneee babam da kutup... Поларно мече ја прашува мајка си: - Мамо, ја сум поларно мече? - Да бе сине! - Ама баш она вистинско бело поларно мече? - Да бе сине! - А тато исто е поларна мечка? - Да бе сине... што се... “Mommy,” said the baby polar bear, “am I one hundred percent pure polar bear?” “Of course you are, son,” said his Daddy, “Why do you ask?” “’Cause I’m f-f-f-freezing!” A kis jegesmedve kérdezi az anyukájától: - Anyu, én jegesmedve vagyok? - Igen, kisfiam, te jegesmedve vagy. - És te is és apu is jegesmedvék vagytok? - Igen, kisfiam. - És a nagymami és a nagypapi... Günün birinde kutuplarda dolaşan yavru kutup ayısı babasının yanına gelince sormuş: - Baba ben gerçekten kutup ayısı mıyım? - Elbette yavrum nereden çıkardın bunu? Yavru kutup ayısı "Allah...
Am I a polar bear?
One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his son
Polar bear were sitting in the snow. The son polar bear turned
To his father and asked,
"Dad, am I 100% polar bear?"
The father polar bear replied, "Of course, son, you're 100%
Polar bear." Why do you ask? I’m Freezing!! replied the his son
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Dad came home one day in an exceptionally hot mood and took his wife upstairs for some fun.
Just when they were really getting into it, their young son entered the room and started to cry.
“What’s wrong, son?” the father asked. “Why are you crying?”
“You’re hurting my mommy,” the little boy replied.
“No, no,” the father reassured. “I’m not hurting her. We are making babies.”
This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple went back to their business.
The next day the father came home from work and found his son on the steps, crying.
“What’s the matter NOW?” asked Dad.
“It’s those babies you were making with Mommy yesterday,” the boy answered.
“The mailman is upstairs eating them!”
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My son’s friend has НIV.
He bought him round at the weekend.
As he went to shake my hand I quickly declined.
My son whispered, “Dad, you can’t catch НIV by shaking hands.”
“I know son,” I replied, “but he’s black.”
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My Dad just had a stairlift installed in the house.
Its driving him up the wall.
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A tired and frustrated wife arrived home late from work and quietly entered the master bedroom where she saw four sets of feet hanging over the end of the bed. Furious, she grabbed an umbrella and began to hit the covers hearing groans from underneath them.
Exhausted she goes down the stairs to the kitchen for a stiff drink where she is shocked to see her husband standing in the kitchen.
"Your mom and dad arrived unexpectedly, so I gave them our room. Did you say hello?"
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A little girl was being selfish to her brothers. Her Dad sat her down and gave her a big lecture about being selfish. When he was done, the little girl said; "Daddy, I don't even have a shell fish!
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A text chat:
Dad: You are the best son I could ever ask for
Me: You're the best parent I could ask for
Dad: Woops that was meant for your brother
Me: Woops, that was meant for your wife
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