Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you did not give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um, no." The lawyer interrupts,
"Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again,
"So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

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A beautiful woman walks into a doctor's office and the doctor is bowled off by how stunningly awesome she and his professionalism goes right through the window.
He tells her to take off her pants and starts rubbing her thigh, he asks her do you know what I'm doing?
Yes she said, checking for abnormalities.
He tell her to take off he вrа and starts rubbing her воовs, he asks her do you know what I'm doing?
Yes, she said checking for cancer.
He tells her to take of her underwear and starts having sеx. He tells her do you know what I'm doing?
She said "Yes getting AIDS"

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Boob Jokes

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck has never cried...Ever.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

A woman goes to the doctor and says, “Could you please prescribe me something against my headaches?”
“OK,” says the doctor, “take this and come back in two weeks.”
After two weeks, the lady is back and complains, “I’m sorry doctor. I’ve been using this for the past two weeks, I followed the instructions on the package – but nothing happened.”
The doctor is concerned, “That’s unusual Mrs Grimky, what were the instructions exactly?”
“Well, keep the lid tightly sсrеwеd on at all times.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Good jokes

She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go...
He: Just call in sick then.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?“ asks mother .
„Come on mom, the most important thing is that I’m healthy!“

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Dentist: "You need a crown."
Patient: "Finally someone who understands me"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dentist Jokes

Doctor: You're obese.
Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion.
Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dentist Jokes Cheating Jokes

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.
Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?”
The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:
"Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Jewish Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?
Do you smoke?
No.
Do you eat too much?
No.
Do you go to bed late?
No.
Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
No.
Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Cheating Jokes

At a psychiatric ward: “Doctor, what should we do with the new guy in room 6? He believes he’s a wolf.”
Doctor: “Whatever you do, don’t let his grandmother visit!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Grandparent Jokes

A guy goes to the doctor:
“Please help me doc. I have this horrible blinking in my right eye that I just can’t control.”
“Ah come on, it’s not so bad as you think.”
“Oh, you think?! Every time I go to the pharmacy to get some painkillers, they give me condoms!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Good jokes

Mom at a dentist: “Now please darling, open up nicely for the doctor so he can take his hand out!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dentist Jokes

I have a 1:30 appointment. Which doctor? No, I want the regular doctor

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Patient to his doctor:
I have forgotten so many things lately, and it’s getting worse. What can I do?
Doctor:
Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure. I’d also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Money jokes

Doctor says to the patient: “Your coughing sounds much better.”
The patient replies: “And no wonder. I spent a lot of time practicing.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes