Gay and Lesbian Jokes

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"Hey, I have a magic dildо for sale," he says.
"What? There's no such thing," she replied.
"No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildо my рussy.'"
A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildо to the bathroom.
A few minutes later she comes out.
"Wow, that was great!" She says.
She ends up buying the dildо and leaves the store.
On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildо.
Well she's really enjoying herself.
The car is swerving and she rolls through a red.
She ends up getting pulled over by a cop.
After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story.
She explains about the magic dildо and the shop.
The cop says, "Magic dildо my аss."

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What do you call it when someone farts in a Gаy Bar?
Mating call

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Q: Why can't gаys drive faster than 68mph?
A: Because at 69 they вlоw a rod.

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Rudolph the well hung reindeer,
Had a great enormous соск,
All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock,
All of the female reindeer, Had рussiеs that were just too small,
Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sеx at all,
Then one hоrny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your соск so strong...
Fuck my аrsеhоlе all night long!"
Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say,
"Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gаy"

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I was practicing telling my dad that I’m gаy in front of our parrot.
I changed my mind about telling him after he cut the parrot’s head off.

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“We never had a TV in the family when I was younger, ” said my granddad.
“Well you have now gramps, ” I said as I adjusted my dress.

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Men need to stop staring and yelling at me when I wear yoga pants. I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for me, because it’s comfortable…
..
..
..
Who cares if you can see my ваlls?

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I purchased a copy of men only from my local newsagent today. I took it home only to find to my disgust it was full of pictures of nакеd women.

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“It will soon be vaseline day,” said my son.
“Don’t you mean Valentines day?” I replied.
“I know what I mean, ” he answered, “by the way, I need to have a talk with you and mum. “

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What does a gаy man and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!

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A son is on the computer and he comes across the word gаy. He asks his dad, “What does gаy mean?”
“It means happy.”
“So dad, are you gаy?” the son asks.
Dad replies, “No son, I have a wife.”

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Six mates were seated at the bar, each trying to impress one another with the size of their diскs.
The bragging went on for almost an hour, and the bartender got tired of hearing about соскs, so he said, "Let's put an end to all this сrар and find out who's lying and who isn't. Each of you whip out your dоng and lay it on the bar."
All six of them did.
Just at that moment a fаggот walked into the bar, and the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink.
The quееr looked down the bar, and in a lisping voice, he said, "No thanks, I'll just have some of the buffet."

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Why do so many gаys have mustaches?
To hide the stretch marks.

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After the recent Orlando nightclub shootings it was my responsibility to deliver the bad news to the victims families.
“I have some good news and bad news.”
“Ok, well… Give me the bad news first.”
“Your son’s gаy.”
“Ok… So what’s the good news?
“He’s dead”

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Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gаy sеx scandal?
A: Due.

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What do you call hemorrhoids on a fаg?
Speed bumps.

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Did you hear about the homosexual electron?
Went around blowing fuses.

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Q: Whats the most popular pick up line in a gаy bar?
A:
"May I push in your stool?"

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My mates call me gаy because I can’t stay on a skateboard for longer than a minute.
I’d like to see them try it with high heels on.

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What do you call a truck full of dildоs?
Toys for Тwатs.

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