God Jokes

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Chuck Norris is like an F5 Tornado...
When you see him coming you better run for cover and pray to God he doesn't find you...

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A man in Mumbai saw an ad for a ‘Gynae’s Assistant’. He went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the Gynaecologist. You’ve to help lady out of their раnтy, lay them down and carefully wash their private parts, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their рuвiс hair. Afterwards, you rub in soothing oils so she is ready for the Gynecologist’s examination. The annual salary is Rs.10 Lacs. If you’re Interested you’ll have to go to Lonavala, 100 Kms from here.”
“My God, is that where the JOB is?”
“No Sir, that’s where the End of the QUEUE of CANDIDATES is!”

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Employe:
"I bet you $6,000 i can рiss in your cup 30 meters away."
Boss:
"Ok I would like to see you try."
Employe: As he moves on рissing all over the floor loosing $6,000 not caring.
Boss:
"Ha you just lost $6,000."
Secratary:
"God dамniт!"
Boss:
"Whats wrong?"
Secratary:
"He bet me $200,000 he could рiss allover your floor and you would be happy about it!"

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Office and Work Jokes God Jokes

God made rivers, God made lakes, God made you, Неll, everyone makes mistakes.

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Insult Jokes God Jokes

Mom: hey can you grab me that magazine?
Me: You know, God gave you 2 legs for a reason
Mom: and he also gave me 3 children for a reason, so go get me the magazine.

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Insult Jokes God Jokes

A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said,
"Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says "I wish to be beautiful." God grants her wish. The next person can’t decide on what to wish for, so he ends up wishing for the same thing. At this point a man at the very back of the line starts to laugh. The next couple, seeing how utterly wondrous the two have become, make their wish to become beautiful also, and the man at the end laughs even louder. One after another, the people wish for the same thing. The closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder the man laughs. When God finally reaches him, he asks "What is your wish my son?" The man says,
"Make them all ugly again!"

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Men jokes

Hurricane Sandy has hit the East Coast. If MTV won't cancel Jersey Shore, God will.

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God Jokes

A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes

I swear to drunк I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables.

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School Jokes God Jokes One-Liner Jokes

These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.

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God Jokes

God creating cats
GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of
ANGEL:ok…anything else
God:yes put razor blades on its feet!!!

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God Jokes Animal Jokes

Teacher: Can you touch God?
Student: No.
Teacher: Can you see God?
Student: No.
Teacher: Then there isn't a God!
Student: Can you touch your brain?
Teacher: No.
Student: Can you see your brain?
Teacher: No.
Student: Ooh, okaaay, then you don't HAVE a brain!

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Insult Jokes God Jokes

Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice

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God Jokes Animal Jokes

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “What are you going to do now?”
God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”

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God Jokes

Daughter: Dad
Dad: Yes honey
Daughter: Im Lesbian
Dad: Ok
Daughter 2: Dad
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: Im lеsвiаn too
Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here
Son: I do…

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God Jokes Dad Jokes

My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

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God Jokes

A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head.
The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’
‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’
‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman.
‘Oh God. Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right рrат.’

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What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."

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Why God did made the snake before lawyers?
To exercise.

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God Jokes Animal Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Yo mama is so fат that when she died jesus couldn't lift her soul to heaven.

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