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Holiday Jokes

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Many women won’t get their gifts on time. And maybe some “men” too…
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Много жени няма да получат подаръците си навреме. А може би и някои „мъже“… Многу жени нема да ги добијат своите подароци навреме. А можеби и некои „мажи“… Muchas mujeres no recibirán sus regalos a tiempo. Y quizá también algunos “hombres”… Многие женщины не получат свои подарки вовремя. А может, и некоторые «мужчины»… Viele Frauen werden ihre Geschenke niсhт rechtzeitig bekommen. Und vielleicht auch einige „Männer“… Beaucoup de femmes ne recevront pas leurs cadeaux à temps. Et peut-être aussi certains « hommes »… Πολλές γυναίκες δεν θα πάρουν τα δώρα τους εγκαίρως. Και ίσως και κάποιοι «άντρες»… Molte donne non riceveranno i loro regali in tempo. E forse anche alcuni “uomini”… Birçok kadın hediyelerini zamanında alamayacak. Belki bazı “erkekler” de… Багато жінок не отримають свої подарунки вчасно. А можливо, і деякі «чоловіки»… Muitas mulheres não vão receber os seus presentes a tempo. E talvez também alguns “homens”… Wiele kobiet nie dostanie swoich prezentów na czas. A może także niektórzy „mężczyźni”… Många kvinnor kommer inte att få sina presenter i tid. Och kanske även några ”män”… Veel vrouwen zullen hun cadeaus niet op tijd krijgen. En misschien ook sommige “mannen”… Mange kvinder vil ikke få deres gaver til tiden. Og måske også nogle “mænd”… Mange kvinner vil ikke få gavene sine i tide. Og kanskje også noen «menn»… Monet naiset eivät saa lahjojaan ajoissa. Ja ehkä myös jotkut ”miehet”… Sok nő nem fogja megkapni az ajándékait időben. És talán néhány „férfi” sem… Multe femei nu își vor primi cadourile la timp. Și poate și unii „bărbați”… Mnoho žen nedostane své dárky včas. A možná i někteří „muži“… Daugelis moterų negaus savo dovanų laiku. O gal ir kai kurie „vyrai“… Daudzas sievietes nesaņems savas dāvanas laikā. Un varbūt arī daži “vīrieši”… Mnoge žene neće dobiti svoje poklone na vrijeme. A možda i neki „muškarci“…
Dirty jokes Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes
I once called the police on my own party because i wanted to go to bed
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Вчера се обадих на полицията на моето собствено парти, защото много исках да си легна вече Une fois, j'ai appelé la police à ma propre fête parce que je voulais aller me coucher
Police Officer Jokes Holiday Jokes
People ask me what the time is all the time, and everytime, on time, I tell them, "if you look at that building it'll show you the time because you'll be watching it". Sometimes they laugh and when they don't I shrug and tell them it's a timeless joke that suскs if you work overtime and then they usually move a few centimeters away because it's nighttime in summertime and they just got finished working overtime.
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Holiday Jokes
How does Santa count his girl elves?
Ho hо ho
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Holiday Jokes
Why don't witches have babies? Because their husbands have Hallo-weenies!!!
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Holiday Jokes
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
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Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: Why couldn't Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.
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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Vampire jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: To know which witch is which!
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Holiday Jokes
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Vampire jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music?
A: Wrap!
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Kids Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders?
A: Because they have a lot of spirit!
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Holiday Jokes
Q: If April showers bring may flowers, what do mayflowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!
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One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
A: Because they are suckers.
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Vampire jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
A: Spare ribs!
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Food Jokes Waiter Jokes Holiday Jokes Restaurant Jokes
Why are women’s вrеаsтs like a train set a kid gets at Christmastime? Because they were originally made for children but fathers want to play with them.
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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Holiday Jokes
How did the ghost go on vacation?
By scareplane!
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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Holiday Jokes
Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall St Journal? He heard it had great circulation...
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Vampire jokes Holiday Jokes
What did the skeleton tell the doctor in the club? I need some body to dance!
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Holiday Jokes
What's a turkey's favorite song? "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"
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Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
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Animal Jokes Holiday Jokes
Three men all die on Christmas Day and arrive at the pearly gates. Peter greets them and tells them that they are all evil men who should go to hеll, but because it's Christmas, he'll let them into heaven if they have something representing the holiday with them. One of the guys has a Christmas ornament, and gets let in. Another guy has pine needles on his shirt, and gets let in. The third guy pulls out a pair of раnтiеs. "How do those represent Christmas?" asks Peter. "These are Carol's."
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Three men die and meet Peter at the pearly gates. Three men are killed in an auto accident on Christmas Eve and ascend to heaven, where they’re met by Saint Peter. “In order to get in,” he tells them, “you must each produce something... Three men had been at a wild office party and died in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They soon found themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. But before they could pass, Saint... Three men wait at the gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. They're told they have to present a Christmas gift to get in. The first man checks his pockets and finds pine needles from his family's tree....
Men jokes Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q: Can February march?
A: No, but April may.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A:Santa stops after three hos.
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Sports Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Sex Jokes Christmas Jokes What's The Difference Jokes Holiday Jokes
Q. What is a taxidermist's favorite part of Thanksgiving?
A. The stuffing.
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One-Liner Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Holiday Jokes
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