Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Just named my new kid cancer. That way when people hear about me beating cancer it’ll make me sound better.

0 0

Kids Jokes

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."

0 0

Kids Jokes

Because of the disregard towards safety techniques people not only die but are also born.

0 0

Kids Jokes

Random kid: (Say's something rude)
Me: You wanna know what's funny? Not you, so shut up.

0 0

Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

During a biology class, the class is dissecting frogs. One student happens to be quite timid with regards to cutting the frog so he simply watches. Meanwhile, a "macho" kid begins to cut the frog and says "Your such a b*tch" a couple minutes later, the bully faints. The timid kid stands above the bully as he regains consciousness and says "Whose the b*tch now?"

0 0

Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

Kids suск. I hate kids. They're like old people with energy.

0 0

Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

Bully: I'm going to hurt you
Some Kid: *coughs* hold on let me get nervous

0 0

Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

Bully: I have a massive penis
Others: (haha)
Kid: In your ass
Others: (oooh)
Bully: no, in your mums
Others: (burn)
Kid: i am pretty sure that it was me and your mum because i specifically remember the comdom breaking and bringing you into existence.
Others: (he cant beat that)
Bully: ...

0 0

Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

Tonight, I'm just going to sing you a song. It's a song I wrote for my twin brother, and that's no joke, I do have a twin brother. I wrote this song for him when he was eight years old, and at the time, I was -- eight.

0 0

Kids Jokes

At a wedding, there was a child that walked down the aisle. Every two steps he stopped, put his hands up in the air like claws, and gave a little roar. So it kept going. Step Step Roar, Step Step Roar. When he finally got to the altar the guests were in tears laughing. When asked why he was doing this he said, “I was the ring bear!"

0 0

Kids Jokes

Kids -- like the new generation right now -- these kids, right, they got attitudes. They're so young, all of them, they got that hip hop attitude, even though they're like white, Asian, black, Latino, doesn't matter right... 'Billy, come and eat!'
'Man, shut up, Mom. Shut up, I'm talking on my cell phone... Nah, it's just my mom вiтсhin' again!'

0 0

Kids Jokes Men jokes

“I hear you’ve got a new baby sister,” said Jonathan to his friend William.
“Yeah.”
“Is she fun to play with?”
“Nah.”
“Well, why don’t you change her?”
“We can’t,” explained William, “we’ve had her for a week already.”

0 0

Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes

Finding her young son scooping ice cream in the kitchen, a mother raged, “Dinner is going to be ready soon. Put that ice cream away and go and play.”
“But mum” wailed the child, “There’s no one to play with.”
“OK,” said the mother wearily, “I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?
“Lets play mummy and daddy. You go upstairs and lie on the bed.”
So the mother went upstairs and lay on the bed.
The boy put on his father’s fishing hat, lit up one of his cigars, went upstairs and opened the bedroom door.
Seeing him standing there, the mother asked,”Now what do I do?”
The boy answered, “Get your аss out of bed you whоrе and fix that kid some fсuкing ice cream!”

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Watch angry fат russian kids play minecraft, having their shiт blown up and they cry into an endless array of horrors, neverending eternal torment, following them to their adulthood! Vоdка addictions.

0 0

Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Fat Jokes Anti-Humor Jokes

We kids grew up in a really tough inner city neighborhood. …
…
It’s tough being poor at Christmas. Where we lived, Santa came up through the sewer instead of down the chimney.

0 0

Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes

Christmas always suскеd when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.

0 0

Kids Jokes God Jokes Christmas Jokes

A class goes on school field trip to a museum. A little boy breaks a vase then reads about it's history. He pretend it never happened. The school went on with the field trip until security stopped the boy and confronted him.
The teacher asks the boy, "Why didn't you tell someone you broke the vase?"
The boy replies,
"I didn't think it would matter, it said it was priceless,"

0 0

School Jokes Kids Jokes

Six-year-old Annie returns home from school and says that today she had her first embarrassing moment at school. Her mother, very interested, asks, "Oh, how did it go?"
"I nearly died of shame!" she answers. "Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage. Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."
Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."
"No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!"

0 0

School Jokes Kids Jokes

Running into the house after school Tommy said to his mother, “Mom! Isn’t an ox a kind of a bull?”
“Yes, she replied. “And doesn’t equine have something to do with horses?” “That’s right.” She said. Running out of the house Tommy said “I’ll see you later!”
“Why? Where are you going?” asked his mother. “To some other town I just heard in school that the equinox is coming, and I don’t wanna be around when it gets here!”

0 0

School Jokes Kids Jokes

Recently a "Husband Shopping Center" opened in Dallas, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out with five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to the place to find men. On the first floor the door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and said,
"Well, that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" so up they went.
The second floor said,
"These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good-looking."
"Hmmm," said the girls. "But I wonder what's further up?"
The third floor:
"These men have high-paying jobs, are extremely good-looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow!" said the women. "Very tempting, BUT there's more further up!" and up they went.
Fourth floor:
"These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy! But just think what must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the fifth floor they went.
The sign on that floor said,
"This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please."

0 0

Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes