Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Q: What's yellow and goes up and down?
A: A banana in an elevator.

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A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"

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God Jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes

Q: What is the most confusing day in West Virginia?
A: Father's Day.

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Insult Jokes Kids Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Make My Day Laughs Sex Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Father's Day Jokes Black People Jokes

A zookeeper approaches three boys standing near the lions' cage and asks them their names and what they're up to.
The first boy says, "My name's Tommy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions."
The second boy says, "My name's Billy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions."
The third boy says, "My name is Peanuts."

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Kids Jokes

What's funnier than a zombie baby?
A zombie baby in a clown suit!

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Kids Jokes Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Baby Jokes Dead baby jokes

Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
To wreak an unholy vengeance upon the driver of the car who's standing there, scratching his head, trying to figure out how a zombie baby's head can be beneath his car tires but the rest of the body is nowhere to be seen- unless he were to turn around and notice the zombie baby body bearing down on him, coming ever closer, ready with grasping, pudgy zombie baby fingers to tear and rend at the flesh of this self-same driver who ran his head over, on the dark and rain-swept road that snakes down from the castle of the madman who's creating an army of zombie babies to do his dark, libidinal bidding.

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Kids Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Military Jokes

There were three boys in a classroom: one named Zip, one named Diск, and one named Pea. Their teacher leaves the room for a moment, so Zip gets on top of the cupboard, Diск goes inside the cupboard, and Рее jumps around outside.
The teacher returns and yells, "Zip down, Diск out, and Pea in the corner!"

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

A.J. Jamal: Is Your Mama Whipping You?
We were watching this commercial on television. Commercial said, 'If you're having problems with your mama whipping you, call this 800 number.' I called that number. My mama answered the phone.

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Kids Jokes

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.

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Kids Jokes

Shine On You Crazy Fratboy!
How many frat boys does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?
One but he has to get it drunк first.

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Kids Jokes

What do you call an elephant between two buildings?
Stuck

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When he was finally done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.
"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.
"So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

A little boy wrote to Santa ...
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Christmas Jokes

Knock, knock Who's there?
You ever hear the joke about the broken pencil? You ever hear the joke about the broken pencil who? Nevermind, it's pointless.

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Kids Jokes

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said, "Did God make me?"
"Yes," the grandpa replied.
"Did God make you too?"
"Yes," the grandpa said.
"Well," the little girl said, looking at his wrinkles and thinning hair. "He sure is doing a better job nowadays!"

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Kids Jokes

I'm a vegetarian.
We worshipped animals when we were growing up 'cause my mother was a соw. I'm kidding - my father loves that joke.

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Kids Jokes Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes

Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10 When your dad is mad and asks you, Do I look sтuрid? don't answer him.
-Michael, 14 Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14 Stay away from prunes.
-Rаndy, 9 Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
-Traci, 14 Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic tac.
- Andrew, 9 Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9 You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9 If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
- Naomi, 15 Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
-Lauren, 9 Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10 Never try to baptize a cat.
-Eileen, 8 '

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Kids Jokes School Jokes Dog jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

When Sally got her first period, she was confused and frightened, so she decided to share her trouble with her friend Joey.
Sally told Joey what was happeing, but he didn't quite understand, so she showed him her problem.
Joey said, "I'm no doctor, but it looks like someone ripped your ваlls off!"

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Kids Jokes

A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused.
She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.
They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so dамn funny?"
"I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.' Then you sat under an ad that read 'Sloan's Liniments Remove Swelling.' Then you moved under a deodorant advertisement which read 'William's Stick Did the Trick.' And I just couldn't hold it in any longer when you moved a fourth time and sat under a tire advertisement which read 'Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident.'"

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Kids Jokes Banker Jokes Pregnancy Jokes

One day a teacher told her students to draw a train on a railway track for homework.
The next day when the teacher started checking everybody's book, she came up to Little Johnny. "Show me the homework," she demanded. Little Johnny showed the teacher his notebook with only a picture of railroad tracks. The teacher asked, "Where is the train?" Little Johnny then replied, "You came late so the train went away."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes