Math jokes, Mathematics Jokes, Mathematicians jokes, Algebra Jokes

Girls are like math problems. If they are under 18, it's best you do them in your head.

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A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend.
The physicist:
"A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment."
The mathematician:
"A wife. You have security."
The computer scientist:
"Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. Then I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me."

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Math Jokes

The pet store was selling three parrots. A man who wants to buy a parrot approaches the clerk and asks, “How much are your parrots?”
The sales clerk answers, “The first one is $1,000.”
“What does he know?”
“He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and can solve mathematical expressions.”
“How about the second one?”
“The second parrot costs $5,000.”
“What does he know?”
“He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, can solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs.”
“Then what is the price for the third one?” asked the buyer.
“This one costs $20,000.”
“Really?! What does he know?”
“This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him 'BOSS’."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Math Jokes

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”
Glenn:
“K-r-o-k-o-d-i-a-l”
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

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Insult Jokes USA Jokes Math Jokes

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Dirty jokes Math Jokes

What did one English book say to the math book?
You have way too many problems

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Math Jokes

Teacher-Did u finish your homework assignment?
Student- Did u grade my math test all of us took yesterday?
Teacher- Well I have other students test to grade and.....
Student-Shiт happens

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Insult Jokes Math Jokes

There was a teacher who was shouting at his class because they were being lazy. "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you failed this math class," he said.
One of the kids rasies his hand, "But teacher, there aren't that many in this class," he said.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Math Jokes

When a patient was wheeled into our emergency room, I was the nurse on duty.
"On a scale of zero to ten," I asked her, "with zero representing no pain and ten representing excruciating pain, what would you say your pain level is now?"
She shook her head. "Oh, I don’t know. I’m not good with math."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Math Jokes

Sammy wants to test the math skills of his 5 year old cousin, Perry. He asks him, "If you have two candies and I give you two candies, how many candies will you have?"
Without hesitating, Perry answers. "Before I answer that, first give me the two candies."

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Kids Jokes Math Jokes

I am so Broke... when I stop at a street corner, the homeless give me money.
I am so Broke... my bank statement shows TWO decimals points on my current balance.
I am so Broke... a televangelist said that all of His children will prosper, except this guy and shows my picture.
I am so Broke... mathematicians can now show that if you divide any number by zero, it will equal what is in my bank account.
I am so Broke... I can't afford anything Free.
I am so Broke... even my IP address is 00.00.00.00
I am so Broke... I am proof that multiplying a negative and a negative WILL give you a negative again.
I am so Broke... when I use a calculator to get the value of Pi, all I get is .1

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Money jokes Math Jokes

A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon.”
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”
The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics”
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire.”
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sеx!”
The Italian replies, “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.”

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Math Jokes

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· We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
· He who laughs last thinks slowest.
· Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
· It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
· Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
· Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
· I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
· Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
· Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
· Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

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Kids Jokes Math Jokes

A football coach had a star quarterback who was as dumb as a post. The only way the kid could stay on the team would be to pass all his classes, which was impossible. All his teachers agreed to go easy on him except for one, his math teacher. The coach begged the math teacher to not fail the kid. The math teacher agreed to give the boy an оrаl exam which, if he passed, would count for class credit. The coach came to the exam to support his star athlete. The math teacher asked only one question for the exam:
"What is two plus two?"
"Four," the athlete answered.
The football coach went into a panic and yelled, "Give him another chance! Just one more chance!"

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Math Jokes

It was the firs day of school, and the first grade teacher decided to see how much her students knew about math.
“Steven, can you tell me what is 3 and 2?” Steven said, “That’s when you should watch very, very carefully before you swing at the next pitch.”

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School Jokes Math Jokes

A first grade teacher collected old, well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. Here are the results:
* Better be safe than ... Punch a 5th Grader.
* It's always darkest before ... Daylight saving time.
* You can lead a horse to water, but ... How?
* You can't teach an old dog ... Math.
* Love all, trust ... Me.
* The pen is mightier than the ... Pigs.
* You get out of something what you ... See pictured on the box.
* When the blind leadeth the blind ... Get out of the way.
* There is no fool like ... Aunt Eddie.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Math Jokes

My math teacher never goes outside..
I can tell, cos there’s no sin of his tan..

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Math Jokes

Math teacher : what are you two talking about?
Student : math
Math teacher : what part in math?
What time it is to leave

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Insult Jokes Math Jokes

Little Kelvin's darkest day was when he was asked by his mathematics teacher to solve a problem on the board. The question was asking for the answer to 2+3.
He knew he couldn't solve that so he glanced towards his bright friend for help. His friend willing to help but fearing to speak out loud, showed him his palm as a silent indication to the answer.
So little Kelvin drew the palm.

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School Jokes Friendship Jokes Math Jokes

A pizza is like a pie chart that shows you how much pizza you have left. This is why a lot of mathematicians work at Pizza Hut.

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Office and Work Jokes Math Jokes