Men jokes

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Q: What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
A: They go to town and вlоw a couple of bucks.

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A redneck couple gets married and are on their honeymoon. The woman changes into a sеxy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father.
His father comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."

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An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless раnтiеs and goes home to surprise her husband.
When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new раnтiеs. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"
The old man says, "Неll no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"

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Q: Why do men prefer intelligent women?
A: Opposites attract.

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Q: What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A: A woman who won't do what she's told.

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Pig!
A man is driving down a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving up the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "Pig!"
The man immediately leans out his window and replies with "ВIТСН!"
They each continue on their way, as the man rounds the next corner he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

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A blonde goes to an international message center to call her mother. When the man tells her it will be $300, she exclaims, "I don't have that kind of money, but I'll do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
He tells the blonde to follow him and takes her into a back room. He unzips his pants and takes out his реnis. The blonde gets on her knees, brings it toward her mouth and says, "Hello? Mom?"

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An old couple prepares to go to sleep. The man gets in bed, but the woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, "Why are you on the floor?"
The old woman replies, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."

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Did you hear that nursing homes are starting to give Viаgrа to the old men living there?
It's to keep them from rolling out of bed.

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Q: What did the elephant say to the nакеd man?
A: "It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

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Men Are Here Because...
Why did God create man?Because vibrators can't mow the lawn!

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A brunette is walking through the country when she finds a bottle. She rubs it, and a genie appears. The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "OK. Give me a nice house."
The genie replies, "You now have one nice house, and all the blondes in the world have two."
The woman says, "Give me a gorgeous man."
The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man while all the blondes have two."
The brunette says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."

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Q: What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest.

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What is a man's idea of housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

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There once was a man from Cass.
Whose ваlls were made out of brass.
When they tinkled together,
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot out of his аss.

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How can you tell if a man is lying?
His lips are moving.

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Q: Why does it take one million sреrм to fertilize one egg?
A: They don't stop to ask for directions

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A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterward, the doctor comes into her room and says, "I have something to tell you about your child."
The woman worriedly asks, "What's wrong with it?"
The doctor says, "There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a little different. It's a hermaphrodite."
The woman looks confused. "A hermaphrodite? What's that?"
The doctor replies, "It has both male and female features."
The woman looks relieved. "Oh, you mean it has a реnis AND a brain?"

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A blonde was at a gumball machine. She kept putting quarters in and getting gumballs out. The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball.
She said, "Shut up! I'm winning."

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A man tells his friend, "My wife is an angel."
His friend replies, "Lucky you. Mine's still alive."

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