Men jokes

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A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
"Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere.
He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
"It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts."

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Men are like vacations – they never seem to be long enough.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

An angry man is coming home and shouts to his wife, "I know everything!"
His wife reacts right away, "Is that so? Then tell me please. Who is the fifth highest peak in the world?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Rocky Balboa was a lucky man because Chuck Norris didn't pursue a boxing carreer.

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Sports Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes

A 7-year-old boy and a 40-year old man are walking together in a dark forest.
The young boy says,
"I'm afraid..." The 40-year-old man replies," You're afraid?!
I have to walk out of here alone!"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

A retired couple had dinner at their friends’ house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went to the kitchen. The two men were talking and one said, “We've been going to a new restaurant and it’s really great.
I’d recommend it very highly.”
The other man asked, “What’s the name of the place?”
The first man thought awhile and finally said, “What are those flowers you send a woman you love?
The ones with red petals and thorns?”
“You must mean roses,” he replied.
“That’s it,” said the man.
He yelled to his wife, “Rose, what’s the name of the restaurant we like?”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

"Agent spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk.
Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name.
"Carmen," she replied.
That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,
"Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself, she answered.
"Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes.
"So what’s your name?" she asked.
"Beersex."

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
They know how many men went down on the Titanic.

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Blonde Jokes Men jokes

Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah.
‘Hello,’ I thought.
‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

Men are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle.
Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags.
The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?"
"Just sand," replied Jose.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

How do you know if your man is dead?
The sеx is the same, but there's less ironing.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight!
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised тhug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"

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Money jokes Men jokes

A man who goes into the pub optimistically often comes out misty optically.

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was.
The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip.
The guy says,
"I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye."
The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again.
The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip.
He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye.
The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes.
The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A blonde in a bar is hunched over her martini spearing at the olive with a cocktail stick.
A dozen times the olive eludes her until a man sitting next to her grabs the stick and skewers it for her.
‘That’s the way to do it,’ he says.
‘Big deal,’ replies the blonde.
‘You’d never have got it unless I’d tired it out first.’

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Blonde Jokes Men jokes

What did the black man do first time when they saw a ship?
They stick they’re head in the water to see if it has wheels!

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

What do you call a woman that works like a man??
Lazy.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes