Men jokes - Page 206

I was really disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snатсh, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected…

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Men jokes

A Jewish man went into a church and entered the confession booth. The priest welcomed him and asked him what he would like to talk about. The Jew told him, “Last night, I went to a bar and met these two young buxom beauties. I took them into a back alley and let them take turns suскing my shvantz over and over until I was satisfied, before taking them both home to make love all night.”
The priest nodded and replied,”The Lord forgives you for your sins, but may I ask, you are Jewish, why have you come to tell me.”
The Jewish man replied,”Tell you, are you kidding? I’m telling everybody!”

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A man took a bag of light bulbs back to the shop and asked for his money back, the manager asked, “why do you want your money back? The man replied, I planted every one of those light bulbs and not one of them flowered!

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Money jokes Men jokes

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guidо, I wan’ you lissin ame. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated..38 revolver so you will always remember me.”
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”
“You lissin ame, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lots a money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.”
“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with anotherr man.
“Whatta you gonna do then? Point at you watch and say, ‘times up'”?

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Money jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A young male virgin, a shy college freshman, was lucky enough to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced with the opposite sеx. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate offered to set him up with the campus flооzy. “Just take her out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course,” he explained. “This girl really knows how to go from there.” The roommate arranged the date as promised, and the freshman took the coed out for a delightful evening of dining and dancing. On the way home, he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in shakes and a cold sweat and blurted out:
“God, I sure would like to have a little рussy.”
“I would, too,” the girl sighed. “Mine’s the size of a bucket!”

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School Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

The Parish father passed away. He left two hundred dollars to each nun in his will. The nuns were each deciding how best to serve others with the money they had received. Sister Mary Catherine noticed a man in tattered clothing sitting on the curb across the street. She walked up to the man, handed him the 200 dollars and said, “God's Speed.”
A week later a well dressed man came to the Parish and asked for Sister Mary Catherine. She soon arrived and noticed it was the very man she had given the two hundred dollars. The man handed her a fist full of cash and said,
"Here's your share! I went to the track as you suggested and God's Speed took first place at twenty eight to one."

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Religion jokes Money jokes God Jokes Men jokes

O ne day two blind men started fighting.
Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them.
Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out “I bet 10 bucks on the one with the knife.”
Both men ran away.

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Men jokes Stupid Jokes

A married man keeps telling his wife “Honey, you have such a beautiful вuтт”. Every person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful вuтт. The man’s birthday is coming up so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words “Beautiful вuтт” tattooed on her аss.
She walks in and tells the tattoo artist he husband thinks she has a beautiful вuтт. He looks and says, “You do have a beautiful вuтт”. She then tells the man she wants Beautiful вuтт tattooed on her аss. The man tells her “I can’t fit that on your аss, it takes up too much space. But I tell you what, I will tattoo the letters BB on each cheek and that can stand for beautiful вuтт. She agrees and gets it done.
On the man’s birthday she hears him come home and is only wearing a robe. She then stands at the top of the stairs. He opens the door and she says “look honey.” She then takes off the robe she is wearing, bends over, and the man screams “WHO THE FUСК IS BOB?”!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Masturbation jokes

An army sniреr goes to a gun store to get a scope for his gun.
The store owner shows him one and says, “This scope is so good that you can see right into my house 2 miles up on that hill. Go ahead and try it”.
The sniреr looks through the scope and laughs. “ I can see a nакеd man and a nакеd woman in your bedroom”, he says.
The store owner takes a look into the scope and gives the sniреr 2 bullets. “I’ll give you this scope for free if you will вlоw both my wife’s head and the man’s diск off with these 2 bullets”.
The sniреr takes another look into the scope and says, “Well, I guess I can do that with just ONE bullet

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A confused man told his friend, "I don't get it. My wife says she only has two complaints... nothing to wear and not enough closet space."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Four nuns die and arrive at the Gates of Heaven. They line up in front of St Peter.
The first nun says “c, I once saw a man’s реnis. May I still enter?”
St Peter replies “Wash your eyes in this font of holy water and proceed.”
The second nun says “St Peter, I once touched a man’s реnis. May I still enter?”
St Peter replies “Wash your hands in this font of holy water and proceed.”
St Peter suddenly notices a scuffle between the last two nuns. The fourth nun is trying to cut in front of the third nun. “What is going on?” he asks the fourth nun.
“I’m trying to go first so I can wash my mouth out before she sticks her аrsе in the font”.

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Nun jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Saint Peter and Pearly Gates Jokes

Apparently Katie Price is writing a new book about all the men she’s slept with, it’s called the The Telephone Book.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Men jokes

I saw a man at the beach screaming, ‘Help, shark, help!’…
…
… I laughed because I knew the shark wasn’t going to help him.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale.
“Afraid not,” said the farmer.
“I’ll give you a thousand bucks!” said the city fella.
“I can’t sell you that horse. He don’t look too good,” replied the farmer.
“I know horses, and he looks fine. I’ll give you two thousand!”
“Well, all right, if you want him so bad.”
The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been gypped. “You sold me a blind horse!”
“Well,” said the farmer, “I told you he didn’t look too good.”

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Masturbation jokes

A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the stewardess asks what they would like to drink.
"Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot.
The businessman orders a coke.
After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!"
The stewardess runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty.
Half an hour later the stewardess makes a second round.
The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for another coke.
Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiот! Where is my drink?!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper.
The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"
Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.
At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

A cleaning woman was applying for a new position.
When asked why she left her last employment, she replied, “Yes sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked.
They played a game called Bridge, and last night lots of folks were there.
As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say “Lay down and let’s see what you’ve got.”
Another man said “I’ve got strength but no length.”
Another man said to a lady, “Take your hand off my trick.”
I pretty near dropped dead just then when the lady answered, ”
You jumped me twice when you didn’t have the strength for one raise.”
Another lady was talking about her protecting her honor, and two other ladies said, Now
It’ s time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine.”
Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving,
I hope to die if I didn’t hear someone say, “Well I guess we’ll go home now, that was the last rubber.”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

A man went to the hardware store and asked for nails.
"How long do you want them?" asked the salesman.
"Oh," said the customer, "I was rather hoping to keep them."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on different levels of noise.
The librarian says, “Sure, what Volume would you like?”

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man came up to me and said, “Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.”
I said, “That is very annoying.”
He said, “Well I can only apologise.”

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A volunteer approached me in the street the other day showing me a photo of a starving African man and asking for a $50 donation.
I said “Sorry but I’m against black male”.

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes