A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350.
When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which were available for the husband and wife to use.
He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows which the hotel is famous for.
“The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” explains the manager.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, “But we didn’t use it!”
The manager is unmoved. Eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and hands it to the manager.
“But sir,” the managers says, “this check is only made out for $100.”
“That’s right,” replies the man. “I charged you $250 for sleeping n having вuтт sеx with my wife.”
“What! I didn’t sleep with your wife!” exclaims the manager.
“Well,” the man replies, “she was here, and you could have.
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the backyard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of вrеаsтs.
He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look.
Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor’s house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door.
Excuse me, our man stammered, but I couldn’t help noticing how beautiful your wife is.
Yeah? So? his hulking neighbor replied.
Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her вrеаsтs are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those вrеаsтs.
The burly gorilla was about to deck our poor guy when his wife appeared and stopped him. She pulled him inside and they discussed the offer for a few moments. Finally, they returned and asked our friend to step inside.
OK, the husband said gruffly, for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife’s t*ts.
At this the wife unbuttoned her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hung free at last. Our man took one in each hand, and proceeded to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This went on for several minutes, until the husband got annoyed. Well, come on already, kiss ’em! he growled.
I can’t, replied our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.
Why not? demanded the husband, getting really angry now.
I don’t have ten thousand dollars.
On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him.
The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks, “And why don’t you get me a whisky you вiтсh.”
The stewardess, flustered by the parrot’s outburst, brings back a whisky for the parrot but inadvertently forgets the man’s cup of coffee.
As the man nicely points out the omission of his coffee to the stewardess, the parrot downs his drink and shouts, “And get me another whisky you sluт.”
Visibly shaken, the stewardess comes back with the parrot’s whisky but still no coffee for the man.
Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides that he is going to try the parrots approach, “I’ve asked you twice for a cup of coffee wеnсh, I expect you to get it for me right now or I’m going to slap that disgustingly ugly face of yours!”
Next thing they know, both the man and the parrot are wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by 2 burly stewards.
Plunging downwards to the ground the parrot turns to the man and says, “For someone who can’t fly, you sure are a lippy ваsтаrd… “