Men jokes - Page 265

A small plane was carrying three passengers over a mountain range -- an old man, his grandson, and an eminent scientist. Suddenly, the pilot burst into the cabin saying, "The engines have all failed! Grab a parachute and jump from the plane!"
With this, the pilot opened the cabin door and leapt out with his parachute. To their dismay, the 3 passengers discovered only 2 parachutes were left in the cabin! The Eminent Scientist took a pack, saying, "I'm sorry you two, but I won a Nobel Prize, I am the head of several intellectual Think Tanks -- honestly, I'm worth more to society than either of you."
The Eminent Scientist leapt from the plane. The Old Man turned to his grandson and said,
"My dear boy, take the last parachute. I've had a good life. Yours has just begun."
"Don't worry, Grandpa," said the young boy, "that guy just jumped out the plane with my backpack."

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Men jokes

Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped. The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it. The he gets on his moped, the other guy gets into his 'Vette, and they both leave the parking lot. The guy in the Corvette decides to show off and race out of the parking lot. He stops at a stop light. Enjoying his music he looks out the window and sees the guy on the moped flying by at about 80 mph! He can't believe a moped can go that fast! So he races up to the guy on the moped and passes him again to show how fast he can go. At the next stop light, the guy on the moped speeds by once more. Finally the Corvette and moped stop at the same stop light.
"How the hеll did you go past me so fast like that!?" the guy in the Corvette asks.
The guy on the moped, all flushed and pale, looks at the man and says,
"My suspenders are caught in your car door!!!!"

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Men jokes

Returning home after a tour of the U. S., an aborigine told his tribes people about the strangest sight he had seen. “It was called a courtroom,” she said. “And in it one man sat silent, another was talking constantly, and when it was over, twelve people ignored the one who was talking and condemned the man who hadn’t said a word!”

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Men jokes

What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man.

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Men jokes

Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.

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Men jokes

World shortest scary story
The last man on earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.

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Men jokes

My dog does a somersault every time Man Utd score a goal.
Sometimes he does two somersaults, it depends how hard I kick him.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

Larry was startled to see the nonchalant way Jason was taking the fact that his girlfriend was seen with another man. “You said you loved her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn’t knock the guy down?”
“I’m waiting.”
“Waiting for what?” asked Larry
“Waiting to catch her with a smaller feller.”

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Men jokes

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere.
One of the three men says,
"I have an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far enough for someone to hear us."
So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).
15 minutes later, the men in the balloon hear an echoing voice:
"Helllloooooo! You're lost!!"
One of the men says,
"That must be a Microsoft service tech!"
Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?"
The man replies:
"For three reasons:
(1) he took a long time to answer,
(2) he was absolutely correct, and
(3) his answer was absolutely useless."

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Men jokes

One day a rich famous man went to buy a sport car from a dealership. The price of the car was $80000 and the man had only $79998 to pay.
The sales associate insisted that the price is firm and it has to be $80000.
The man came out of the store and looked around and saw a poor man begging for help. He went toward him and introduced himself and asked if he is kind enough to lend him $2. The poor man asked the reason. He replied that he is willing to buy a car. The poor man though for a moment and gave the man $4 and said: Please buy one for me too.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line:
"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don't open the store!"

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Men jokes Business jokes

Once a man walked into a bar with his dog. The bartender freaks out and says "you can't bring that mutt in here! It'll make a mess" so the man says "ok i'll make you a deal : if the dog can talk can he stay ?" the barttender starts to laugh "sure, deal." so the man points up and says "what's that ?" the dog replied "rrooff" well done says the man. he walks to a small tree growing by the window and peels something off it "what's this ?"
"Bark!" says the dog "that doesn't count !" says the barman "he spoke didn't he ?" so the bartender stamps away then the dog said "i wonder what's his problem

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Men jokes

Sven and Ollie got a pilot to fly them into northern Minnesota for elk hunting. … They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. … The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.
They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, “The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind.” …
…
Ollie got rather upset:
“Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What’s with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.
Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the Minnesota wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, Sven said to Ollie, “Do you know where we are?”
“I think so,” replied Ollie. “Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!”

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Men jokes Stupid Jokes

An older couple is watching TV and the man kept changing the channel by mistake. His wife said,
"Honey, you need to spend less time on social media. You do know TV doesn’t have a like button right?"

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Men jokes Old People Jokes

When Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, I wonder if he actually said, That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind, or, Theres no way a соw could jump over this.

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Men jokes

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.
“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Fracais?” he tries. The two continue to stare.
“Parlare Italiano?” No response.
“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely frustrated.
The first American turns to the second and says, “You know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.”
“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”

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Men jokes

A man visiting New York stopped at a restaurant which claimed it could supply any dish ordered, so the tourist asked the waiter for Kangaroo on toast. The waiter came back a while later and said, “I am so sorry, sir, but we have run out of bread.”

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Men jokes

A man gave the waiter his order, "Black coffee, no cream"
The waiter came back and apologized, "I'm sorry, we're out of cream. Would you take your coffee without milk?"

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Men jokes Waiter Jokes Coffee Jokes

“Doc!” the man yells. I’ve lost my memory!”
“Calm down, sir. When did this happen.”
The man looked at him. “When did what happen?”

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Men jokes Old People Jokes