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Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be thepresident someday.) Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sеx can only happen when a male gets a election. Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your воwеls and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the соw. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five воwеls, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs. Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sеx can only happen when a male gets a election. Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your воwеls and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the соw. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five воwеls, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs. Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sеx can only happen when a male gets a election. Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your воwеls and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the соw. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five воwеls, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack and Jill's backyard.
They suddenly materialize inside the couple's house and address them: ''We come in peace. We want to find out how you humans reproduce. To make an accurate assessment of your procreation process, we would like to - as your species would say - swap partners." Being ex-theater majors from a liberal arts college, Jack and Jill agree without hesistation. Jack leads the female alien into one room, while Jill takes the male alien's tenticle and leads him off into another room. Immediately, the male alien starts to sтriр down to his bare essentials. Jill, seeing the creature's shrunken, раsтy, yellow, nакеd body before her, gasps and says, ''Gee, that's a really teenie wееniе." ''Actually, I come in all sizes." With a wink and a smile, the alien slaps his thighs, and magically, his реnis pops out to about one foot in length. Jill, giggling with amazement, exclaims "Wow! That's outrageous. Can you do that with your thickness as well?" "No problemo," assurres the well-hung alien. At that, he slaps at his ears, and, "boing," his member inflates out to about a good three inches in diameter. "Yippee. Yahoo," blurts out Jill, and proceeds to give Mr. Spaceman a taste of earth-style mating. After about a three hour romp, Jill and Mr. Spaceman (now in smoking jacket and ascot) exit the bedroom and meet up with the other couple already waiting in the kitchen.Jack, seeming somewhat dazed gets up and asks Jill, "How did it go in there?'' Jill, still a little woozy herself, smiles a goofy s**t-eating grin and sings, ''That was by far, the most spectacular, unbelievable, eye-poppingest sеx I have ever had. No offense. By the way, how'd it go with Ms. Universe over there?" "Not so well. All she did was slap my ears for an hour and a half."
A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when a woman sidles up next to him. "You're cute," says the woman, "do you want to go back to my place and have some nasty sеx?"
"You bet!'' exclaims the hillbilly, "But I have to tell you, I'm a virgin. I've always been scared because my mom told me that women have sharp teeth between their legs, and sometimes they bite."
"Don't worry," the woman says, and the two head back to her place, where she strips and shows the hillbilly her private parts. "Now, does it look like I have teeth down there?" she asks.
"How could you possible have teeth down there?" he says, "Look at the shape your gums are in."
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip.
Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of yourroom?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only threedoors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one hasa sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off." The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."
The German replied, "Yeah that will not be a problem."
A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."
"Yeah, that will be done," says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says,
"Well, could you do the same as before."
The German replies, "Ok."
Next day the German tells him they have to cut his other leg.
"Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."
"NO!" Snapped the German. "We think you are trying to escape!"
After World War II, an American soldier was going back to London from the front.
He was on a very crowded train, and was looking for a seat, but the only empty one was next to an older lady, and she had her pet poodle on it.
He said, “Please, madam, I’m very tired. May I please sit here?”
The lady replied, “No. My precious little poodle, Miss Fluffy, is sitting here.”
The soldier walked the length of the train again with no luck,
So he went back to the same seat next to the same woman and said,
“Please, Madam, I have been fighting at the front for months, my feet hurt and I’m very tired. May I please sit here?”
The woman told him,
“I cannot believe how rude you are! I have already told you that my darling little Miss Fluffy is sitting here.”
At that, the American lost his temper, picked up the poodle and threw it out the window.
An old man who was sitting across the compartment looked at the American soldier and said,
“You Americans do everything wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the wrong hand and now you’ve thrown the wrong b!itch out of the window!”