Money jokes - Page 71

Father in a conversation with a neighbor...
First son: Degree in Economics
Second son: MBA
Third son: PhD
Fourth son: Thief
Neighbor: Why can't you throw the fourth son out of your house?
Father: He is the only one earning money. The rest are unemployed.

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If you are alone - I’ll be your shadow.
If you want to cry - I’ll be your shoulder.
If you want a hug - I’ll be your pillow.
If you want to be happy, I’ll be your smile.
If you need money - wait for your salary…

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Money jokes One-Liner Jokes

I was in the casino with the last of my money.
I needed to win so I went to roulette and placed all that I had on red.
Unfortunately black got up….. with a gun…. saying this was a robbery.

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Money jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A man was very excited when he saw the text message on his phone, “Salary credited to your bank account." Jumping for joy, he rushed towards his car to go out shopping. As soon he opened the door of the car, he received another message, “Car loan debited from bank account."
He closed the door of the car and decided to take a taxi. As he halted a taxi, he got another message, “Credit card payment made.” He changed his mind again and started walking towards a local mall. As he entered the mall, he got yet another text, “Please maintain minimum balance in your bank account.”
He turned around and started walking back home.

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Money jokes Men jokes

A dollar may not go as far as it used to, but what it lacks in distance, it makes up for in speed.

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Money jokes

A man stands at the bar boasting that he has a dog that is the greatest fighter of all and will beat any dog in a fight and to prove this offers a prize of a $1,000 if his dog can be beaten.
An old man sitting near by says my Terrier will beat your dog no problem!
So the man immediately sets up a fight between the two dogs.
In the ring the two dogs are thrown in and the man's dog growls and starts to bite the other dog with its massive teeth for the terrier to flick itself around and snap the neck of the dog and then devour it whole!
True to his word the man counts out the grand and hands it over saying “just what type of Terrier is that?”
The old man puts the money in his pocket and replies “a long tailed short haired snub nose Terrier or Alligator for short.”

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Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

You take a glass, and you wrap it in paper, and you put it in the box. You take another glass; you wrap it in paper, you put it in the box, and you finish the box. You close it and you write, 'Glasses' on it. But after about two days, you just have an open box -- f**k it -- just put the pillow and the toothpaste and the Q-Tips, put the cat in there, and write, 'Сrар I don't need. I hate my сrар.'

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Money jokes

5 yr old Son: Mommy how much am I worth to you in money?
Mother: 9999999999$ Times infinity and BEYOND!!
5 yr old Son: Then can I have 5 dollars of that )))
Mother:..............

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Money jokes

What can you put your money into that is sure to go up?
Taxes

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Money jokes

I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want to have enough money to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.

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Money jokes

The Tooth Fairy teaches kids that they get money for their body parts. I blame her for prostitution.

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Money jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

I hired a lawyer who claims to have never lost a case. We lost the case and I said,
"Well, there goes your advertising claim."
He replied, "I got paid and I call that a win!"
"What if I don't pay you?" I asked.
"I advise you to pay. I'll take you to court, get a judgement for the money you owe plus expenses. I'd call that a win win!"
I said,
"Okay then, what do I owe you?"
His reply, "$2500 dollars plus $350."
"What's the 350 for?" I demanded to know.
His answer... "The advice I just gave you."

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Money jokes Lawyer Jokes

Mohamed Muzi climbs out of a lorry just outside Dover, straight to the benefits office. Ok the officer tells him due to new Brexit rules he is only entitled to 4 things, “what would you like”……. Well i need food he demands, no problem here are some food vouchers, next……well i want money, no problem take this and you will get money every week from now on, next……. Give me a house,…. fine there are the keys and dont worry about rent , we will take care of that. Now lastly ……. Well i really want to be British….. OK no problem pass me back the things i gave you…….. NOW FUСК OFF your British you get nowt!!

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

I'm hosting a marathon to raise money for people with chronic diarrhea. It's a run for the runs.

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Money jokes

An police officer pulls a car over and said, sir you have won a $300 reward for winning a driving the safest contest. The officer asked the driver, sir what are you going to don with the money. The driver replies I will go get my drivers license. Then his wife in the passenger seat jumps into the comversation and said that my husband is a bit sтuрid when he's drunк officer. Then a guy wakes up in the back seat and yells I knew we were not going far with this stolen car. Then there was a thump in the trunk and a voice said have crossed the border yet.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Police Officer Jokes

Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself.
Life is like a fountain... I will tell you how when I figure it out.
Make a firm decision now... you can always change it later.
Male zebras have white stripes... but female zebras have black stripes.
Money DOES talk... but to me it says goodbye.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

Hey, I've got good news. I got back $8,000 on my income tax. The bad news is I'm going to prison.

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News and Politics Jokes Money jokes

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
There go the lights again...
Ya know, there's big money in kidneys - and this guy's got two of'em.
That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Uh Oh! Page 47 is missing!

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Money jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

These guys get paid millions to play a game, and we work. Well, I don't work, but I'm sure someone out there got a job.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

A man is complaining to a friend:
“I had it all, money, a beautiful house, a nice car, a great motorcycle, the love of a beautiful woman. Then it was all gone!”
“What happened?” asks the friend.
“My wife found out!” replied the man.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes