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There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn’t know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he’s going with his donkey.
“Anywhere I go, she goes.”
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the manager, “but you can’t take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we’ll take good care of her.” So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn’t want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
“Great!” replied Bozo. “How much do I have to pay?” he asks.
“One thousand dollars for the food.”
“But I haven’t touched the food.”
“It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV.”
“But I didn’t even know how to turn the dамn thing on!”
“It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed.”
“But I slept on the floor!”
“It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars.”
“You owe me ten thousand dollars for sсrеwing my donkey.”
“But sir, I didn’t do your donkey.”
“It was there. You should have!”
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by аnаl electrocution and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fсuкing chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a fсuкing вrеаsт growing on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her fсuкing redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send “his” email to $1000? How fсuкing sтuрid are you? “Ooooh,looky-here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll get laid by every Рlаyвоy model in the magazine!”. What a bunch of fсuкing bullsh1t.
So basically, this message is a big FUСК YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me sтuрid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sоdомizе me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by the Romans in 5 A. D. and was brought to this country by мidgет pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2013, it’ll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
If you’re going to forward something, at least send me something fсuкing mildly amusing. I’ve seen all the “send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being” forwards about 90 times. I don’t care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it’s your own unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to leave you fcukless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
If it’s funny, send it on. Don’t рiss people off by making them feel guilty about a lереr in Botswana with no вlооdy teeth, who’s been tied to a fсuкing dead elephant for 27 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you’ll end up like poor fсuкing Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your fсuкing gеniтаls.
Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as beneficiary, and arranging to have her killed.
A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure that went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid something up front. The man opened up his wallet, displaying a single dollar bill that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirтy deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife into the local Safeway grocery store. There he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled onto the scene.
Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings was captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police.
Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. And that is why the next day in the newspaper, the headlines declared:
"Artie chokes two for a dollar at safeway"