One-Liner Jokes

Most popular in this category

I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"
She said, "I'm Alexa you моrоn."

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One-Liner Jokes

Interviewer: "Your resume says you take things too literally."
Me: “When the hеll did my resume learn to talk?”

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One-Liner Jokes Office and Work Jokes

When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken...
Mistaken for patience!

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One-Liner Jokes

Pro tip: if you add coconut oil to your kale...
It makes it easier to scrape it into the trash.

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One-Liner Jokes

As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

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One-Liner Jokes

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...
Now I can't read anything.

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One-Liner Jokes

Doctor: "Would you have the money if I said you needed an operation?"
Patient: "Would you say I needed an operation if you thought I didn't have the money?"

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One-Liner Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking.
It's going to be a massive change for me.
I've been with that doctor for 15 years.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

It’s my wife’s birthday soon and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house.
She'll be happy to know I got the hint.
I got her a magazine rack!

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Marriage and Family Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones. The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him,
"Are you married?"
"No, I've been run over by a truck."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.
Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”

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One-Liner Jokes School Jokes

Teacher: What is a synonym?
Student: A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other!

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One-Liner Jokes School Jokes

Patient: Doctor, I'm thinking that I may be losing my hearing.
Doctor: Can you tell me what you know of the symptoms?
Patient: Homer is bald and fат, Marge has blue hair...

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One-Liner Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A truck loaded with Vick’s VapoRub overturned on the highway.
Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.

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One-Liner Jokes

NED: I have a knocker on my house door.
ED: Really. You have a knocker.
NED: Does that impress you?
ED: Yes. You deserve the No Веll prize.

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One-Liner Jokes

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, he asked her the usual question, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my text?"

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Christmas Jokes One-Liner Jokes

"Last Sunday I found a wallet packed with money down by the church."
"Did you give it back?"
"Not yet. I'm still trying to decide if it's a temptation from the devil or the answer to a prayer."

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One-Liner Jokes Money jokes Religion jokes Church jokes

The hоrny мidgет found that the best way to make time with women was to be direct about it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and said, "Hey, honey, whaddaya say to a little f*ck?"
She looked down at him and promptly replied, "Hello, you little f*ck!"

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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes

A young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon A Time?"

"No," he replied. "A whole lot of them begin with 'If elected, I promise ...'"

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One-Liner Jokes Political Jokes

NO, YOU CAN'T BE CHALIE SHEEN FOR HALLOWEEN!

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One-Liner Jokes Halloween Jokes