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One-Liner Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.
Today I’m putting a cockroach in the bathroom.
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Marriage and Family Jokes One-Liner Jokes Superhero Jokes
Wife: "I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad."
Wife: "No, you are not."
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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Dad Jokes
Спират един шофьор и го глобяват за превишена скорост. Одого мужика застукали за пpевышение скоpости. Полицейский оштpафовал его на кpугленькую сумму и выписал мужику квитанцию. - Co mam zrobić z tym kwitkiem? - pyta kierowca, zaraz po zapłaceniu mandatu. - Proszę to zachować - odpowiada policjant. Jak Pan zbierze 10, to dostanie Pan rower.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."
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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father,
"Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"
The father answered immediately,
"I just don't know, son. No male has ever lived that long yet."
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One-Liner Jokes
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dad Jokes
Въпрос: Защо женените мъже надебеляват? Warum sind Junggesellen schlanker? Unterschied verheiratet oder nicht Gewichtsproblem Γιατί οι παντρεμένες γυναίκες είναι πιο παχουλές από τις ανύπαντρες; Γιατί ο παντρεμένος άντρας ειναι πιο παχύς από έναν εργένη; Οι παντρεμένοι ΠΑΝΤΡΕΜΕΝΟΙ ΚΑΙ ΕΡΓΕΝΗΔΕΣ Το φως του μπάνιου... Παντρεμένοι-Ανύπαντροι Каква е разликата между омъжена и неомъжена жена? Защо ергените са по слаби от оженените? Zwei ehemalige Schulkameraden treffen sich nach 30 Jahren wieder. - En fait c'est très simple : Um sujeito gordo e outro magro conversavam. Diz o gordo: — Como é que você consegue se manter assim, magrinho? — É que eu sou solteiro. Quando chego em casa vou para a geladeira e como nunca tem nada que presta, vou para cama. — E você, por que é tão gordo? — É que eu sou casado. Quando chego em... Pourquoi les hommes mariés prennent-ils du poids, alors que les célibataires restent maigres ? - Les célibataires ouvrent leur frigo, ny trouvent rien qui leur plaise, alors ils retournent au lit. - Les hommes mariés vont au lit, ny trouvent rien qui leur plaise, alors ils vont au frigo... What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man? Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge. ¿Por qué un soltero esta más flaco que un casado? Porque el soltero va a la nevera y como no le gusta lo que ve va a la cama. En cambio el casado va a la cama y como no le gusta lo que ve va a... Warum sind Junggesellen schlanker und Ehemänner dicker? Der Junggeselle kommt Nachhause, schaut, was sich im Kühlschrank befindet und genießen dann, was im Bett ist. Der Ehemann kommen Nachhause,... Hvorfor er det at gifte kvinder de vejer meget mere end single kvinder? – Det er selvfølgelig fordi at single kvinder kommer hjem, ser hvad der er i køleskabet, og går dernæst i seng. Gifte kvinder... Singelkvinnor kommer hem, ser efter vad som finns i kylen och går och lägger sig Gifta kvinnor kommer hem, ser efter vad som finns i sängen och går till kylskåpet Minkä takia parisuhteessa elävät naiset ovat yleensä lihavampia kuin sinkkunaiset? - Kun sinkkunaiset ensin katsovat, mitä jääkaapissa on, he päättävät sitten mennäkin mieluummin sänkyyn. Ja kun... Varför väger gifta kvinnor mer än singelkvinnor? Singelkvinnor kommer hem, ser vad de har i kylskåpet och går i säng, medans gifta kvinnor kommer hem och ser vad de har i sängen och går till... Jaka jest różnica między mężczyzną kawalerem, a mężczyzną żonatym? - Kawaler wraca po ostro zakrapianej nocy do domu, zagląda do lodówki, tam nic ciekawego, idzie do łóżka. Żonaty wraca po ostro... Om welke reden zouden de getrouwde vrouwen steeds verzwaren, terwijl de celibataire vrouwen altijd vermageren? Eigenlijk is dat zeer eenvoudig: - De celibataire vrouw gaat naar de frigo, vindt... Pourquoi les célibataires sont maigres ? et pourquoi les hommes mariés sont gros ? Tout simplement parce que le célibataire, quand il rentre chez lui, il ouvre le frigo,il fait "BOF", et il va se... Waarom zijn getrouwde vrouwen over het algemeen dikker dan vrouwen die vrijgezel zijn? Vrouwen die vrijgezel zijn komen thuis, kijken wat er in de koelkast staat en gaan naar bed. Getrouwde vrouwen... Quelle est la différence entre un célibataire Maigre et un homme marié gros ? - Quand le célibataire rentre chez lui, il ouvre le frigo, Regarde, dit: Bof et va se coucher. Quand le marié va se... Vet du hva forskjellen på en gift og en singel mann er? En singel mann kommer trøtt og sliten hjem og sjekker hva som er i kjøleskapet før han legger seg i sengen. En gift mann kommer hjem og ser... Miksi naimisissa olevat naiset ovat lihavampia kuin sinkut? - Kun sinkkunainen tulee kotiin, hän katsoo mitä on jääkaapissa ja menee sänkyyn. Kun naimisissa oleva nainen tulee kotiin, hän katsoo... P: Pq o homem casado é mais gordo q o homem solteiro ? Pq o homem solteiro chega em casa, vai para a cozinha, abre a geladeira, ve q tem sempre a mesma coisa e vai durmir e o homem casado chega em...
Why are marriend women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.
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Single People Jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Wenn ich Namen von Liebespaaren in Bäume eingeritzt sehe, denke ich nicht: "Ach, wie süß." Nein, ich denke: "Erstaunlich, wie viele Leute ein Messer zu einem Date mitbringen." Als ik de namen van geliefden in een boom zie gegraveerd, vind ik het niet schattig of romantisch. Ik vind het raar hoeveel mensen messen meenemen op dates. Когато видя имената на влюбените, издялкани в дърво, не мисля, че е сладко. Мисля, че е притеснително колко много хора носят ножове на срещите си Όταν βλέπω τα ονόματα των εραστών χαραγμένα σε ένα δέντρο, δεν το βρίσκω χαριτωμένο ή ρομαντικό. Βρίσκω περίεργο πόσοι άνθρωποι παίρνουν μαχαίρια μαζί τους στα ραντεβού. Why do some people think it’s cute when lovers carve their names into a tree? I personally think taking a knife on a date is a bit creepy. Cand vad numele Indragostitilor si inimioare sculptate pe copaci nu Mi se pare totusi atat de romantic. Ma gandesc Ca e chiar ciudat cum de atat de multi oameni pleaca La intalnire cu cutitul dupa... Liebespaaren ritzen deren Namen in Bäume. Aber warum bringt da überhaupt jemand ein Messer mit zum Date?
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute. I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.
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One-Liner Jokes
Παραμύθια - Тате, всички ли приказки започват с "Имало едно време .."? - Papá, ¿Todos los cuentos comienzan con "Había una Vez"? Син питає в батька: — Тату, а це правда, що всі казки починаються словами "Жили собі дід та баба... "? — Ні, синку. Справжні казки починаються словами: "Якщо ви проголосуєте за мене на виборах... " — Pai, todos os contos de fadas começam com "Era uma vez"? — Não, filho... Tem outros que começam assim: "Quando eu for eleito..." How do you start a fairy tale in the modern era? "If elected, I promise..."
A young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon A Time?"

"No," he replied. "A whole lot of them begin with 'If elected, I promise ...'"
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One-Liner Jokes Political Jokes
- Тате, ще ми помогнеш ли с домашното по физика? Баща и син на нощен риболов. Синът поглежда към нощното небе и пита баща си: - Тате, как умират звездите? - Обикновено от свръхдоза, синко. Отец с сыном на ночной рыбалке. Сын смотрит в ночное небо и спрашивает отца: - Пап, а как погибают звезды? - Обычно от передоза, сынок.
– “Dad, how do stars die?”
– “Usually an overdose.”
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Drug Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Уборщица говорит управляющему банком: Краят на работния ден в голяма търговска банка. Чистачката плахо чука на вратата на директора: Städerskan till bankchefen: - Jo, jag skulle vilja ha en nyckel till kassavalvet. Det är så jobbigt att öppna låset med hårspännet varje gång jag ska städa där... Kommt die Putzfrau zum Chef der Bank: "Können Sie mir bitte mal den Tresorschlüssel geben?" "Hä? Was ... wie ... warum denn?" "Ach, es ist immer so lästig, zum Saubermachen den Tresor mit der...
The cleaning lady comes to the bank manager...
"Can you please give me the key of the safe vault?"
"What?! What for?"
"It's always so time consuming to have to use my hairpin in order to clean it!"
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One-Liner Jokes Banker Jokes Boss Jokes
Какво пише на гроба на стоматолог? Wat staat er op het graf van een tandarts? .... Hier is z'n laatste gat gevuld!
What is written on a dentist’s grave?
He’s filling his last cavity.
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Dark Humor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dentist Jokes
The awkward moment when you mispronounce organism in science class.
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One-Liner Jokes Science jokes
- Докторе, кога най-после ще свърши тоя короновирус? - Доктор, когда закончится эпидемия коронавируса?
I asked my doctor today how long he thought this COVID thing will last...
He said, “How should I know, I’m a doctor not a politician.”
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Coronavirus Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Judge: Silence in court! The next person who laughs again will be thrown out of court.
Accused: Hahahaha
Judge: I wasn't talking to you!
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One-Liner Jokes
"Madam, your husband must have absolute rest."
"Well, Doctor, he won't listen to me."
"A very good beginning, madam, a very good beginning."
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, he asked her the usual question, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my text?"
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Christmas Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Mother: I think our son is going to be an astronaut.
Father: What makes you think that?
Mother: I spoke to his teacher today. She said he is taking up space.
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School Jokes One-Liner Jokes
A priest put up a signboard outside his church saying, "I pray for all."
A lawyer passing by wrote underneath, "I plead for all."
"I prescribe for all," scribbled a doctor.
"And I pay for all!" added a citizen.
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes Priest Jokes
“The bakery was so wrapped up in decorating for Christmas that they even decorated their website's cookies.”
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One-Liner Jokes Christmas Jokes
I went to the doctors recently. He said,
"Don't eat anything fatty."
I said,
"What, like bacon and burgers?"
He said,
"No, I mean you, Fatty, don't eat anything!"
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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
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