One-Liner Jokes

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Judge: Silence in court! The next person who laughs again will be thrown out of court.
Accused: Hahahaha
Judge: I wasn't talking to you!

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One-Liner Jokes

“The bakery was so wrapped up in decorating for Christmas that they even decorated their website's cookies.”

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One-Liner Jokes Christmas Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Social Network Jokes One-Liner Jokes

They say that an apple a day will keep the doctor away...
Why stop there?
An onion a day will keep everybody away!

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One-Liner Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely ваnging my snooze button in the morning.

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Attitude Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal?

A: She was so proud she had it bronzed.

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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes

“Every Christmas I would look for sooty footprints near our fireplace. I was looking for Santa clues.”

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One-Liner Jokes Christmas Jokes

The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

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Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes

I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously she doesn't listen.

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Attitude Jokes One-Liner Jokes Restaurant Jokes

The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America thats never been advertised. And theres a reason -- all of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

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One-Liner Jokes Halloween Jokes

Patient: Doctor, I have a little man in my head, and he's cursing all the time!
Doctor: Well, this problem is really easy to fix! It will cost you $1000.
Patient: Doctor, do you know what the little guy just said?

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One-Liner Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A wife asked her husband:
"What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sеxy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of humor."

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Insult Jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it ...so I said "Implants?"

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Jokes about Women One-Liner Jokes Flirt jokes

Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!

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One-Liner Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Holiday Jokes

"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"

Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."

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Relationship Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Why did the electrician close early on Mondays?
Because business was very light.

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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes

There are three kinds of men in this world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
The rest get married and wonder what happened!

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Philosophy Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Single People Jokes

Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.

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One-Liner Jokes Technology Jokes Food Jokes Computer Jokes Social Network Jokes Friendship Jokes Internet Jokes

You ever get a new cell phone and you're too lazy to transfer all the numbers over, so you just stop being friends with a bunch of people?

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes One-Liner Jokes Friendship Jokes

What’s the difference between the USA and a USB?
One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data and the other is a computer hardware standard.

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What's The Difference Jokes USA Jokes One-Liner Jokes