Pet Jokes

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Pet Jokes

Dog Owners, You Understand

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Pet Jokes Dog jokes

In the middle of the desert one cat says to the other,
“Oh boy, I have to рее so badly.”
“Why don’t you just do it?”
“I can’t. There is no litter box.”

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Pet Jokes

“Our cat was sтuрid enough to drink some gasoline yesterday. She spent two hours racing through the flat, then just flopped on her back and was totally still. “
“Oh no, is she dead?”
“No, just ran out of gas”

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Pet Jokes

A Chinese student is looking for an inexpensive room to rent. He finds one, but the owner warns him, “Yes, you can have the room. But we have a dog and two cats. I hope you like them.”
“No problem,” beams the student, “I’m happy to eat anything!”

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Pet Jokes

A cat meets a fox in the forest.
The fox asks the cat why she smells so dreadful.
The cat replies, “I was walking by a pooping bear and he asked me if my fur makes fuzz. I said no. So he wiped his вuтт with me.”
The fox wonders:
“So how come you’re still in such a good mood?”
“Well” the cat replies, “When he was done with me, he asked the hedgehog.”

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Pet Jokes

A woman gets a hysterical phone call, “Your cat ate my canary!!!”
Woman, “Thank you for telling me. I don’t have to feed her today then, right?”

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Pet Jokes

A woman sits in a diner. A cat comes in, buys a chocolate ice cream and leaves.
The woman is totally astonished, “Wow – that was unusual”.
The diner manager agrees, “That’s right. She’s never asked for anything else but strawberry before.”

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Pet Jokes

A соw says to a small kitten, "Look at you, so small and already such long fасiаl hear."
The kitten cooly replies,
"Yeah, look at you, so big but still no вrа."

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Pet Jokes

Two cats are sitting in front of bird’s cage and observe a newly arrived green canary.
One cat says to the other, “It really is a strange color for a bird. Maybe he’s not ripe yet.”

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Pet Jokes

How did the cat get the first prize at a bird show?
Somebody didn’t shut the champion’s cage properly.

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Pet Jokes

Bob to Joe, "What the heck, Joe, I’ve just heard your dog meowing. How come?!"
"Ah yeah, that’s OK! He is just learning a second language."

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Pet Jokes

Emergency call at the police station:
"Please come quick. It’s a life and death situation. Our dog has become very aggressive. He might do something to me."
"Who is there?"
"The cat."

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Pet Jokes

What is the difference between a man and a cat?
One eats a lot, is lazy and doesn’t care who brings the food. The other is a pet.

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Pet Jokes

Two neighbors meet:
"Your cat killed my Pitbull."
"No way, that is impossible."
"Yes, he choked on her."

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Pet Jokes

A man drives deep into the forest to get rid of his cat. He lets her out at an abandoned place. After one hour he gets a phone call from his wife:
“The cat is back.”
The man growls:
“Ok, can you put her on, I got lost and need directions.”

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Pet Jokes

“What happened to your cat? He was running around the whole village like the devil was on his tail.”
“Well he got castrated yesterday and now he’s canceling all his dates.”

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Pet Jokes

Funny Cat Jokes | Cat Humor

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Pet Jokes

Our neighbour’s dog shat in our garden, so my mum told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence.
I don’t see what that solved, now we’ve got dog shiт in our garden and the neighbours have our shovel.

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Pet Jokes Dog jokes

The wife and I were walking down the street today and noticed two cats in a tree.
They were both slowly inching their way along a branch toward the tree’s centre. “Look at them.” I whispered to the wife. “There must be a nest up there.”
“Don’t talk like an idiот.” She replied. “Cats don’t live in nests.”

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Pet Jokes Tree jokes Wife jokes