Police Officer Jokes

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Скрили се нашите зад един завой след наклон надолу, пуснали камерката и чакат урожая. Обаче за огромна изненада всички минат с ограничението. Качват се на колата и тръгват да видят какъв е проблема.
Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes
Q) Why wouldn't the skeleton go skydiving?
A) He didn't have the guts for it. Q) How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A) Tickle his funny воnе. Q) Why wasn't the skeleton afraid of the policeman?
A) He knew they couldn't pin anything on him. Q) What room can a skeleton not go into?
A) The living room Q) Why do skeletons make bad miners?
A) Because they only go six feet under Q) How did the skeleton know that it was going to rain?
A) He could feel it in his bones. Q) What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
A) Spare ribs Q) What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
A) I'll have a вееr and a mop. Q) What did the skeleton wear on Halloween?
A) A human costume Q) Why are skeletons always so calm?
A) Because nothing gets under their skin Q) What do skeletons say before they begin eating?
A) Bon appetit! Q) Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A) Because they have no organs. Q) What's a skeleton's favorite weapon?
A) A bow and marrow. Q) Where did the skeleton keep his pet bird?
A) In his rib cage Q) What do you call a skeleton who uses the doorbell?
A) A dead ringer Q) What do you call the lie told by a skeleton?
A) A little fib-ula Q) What do skeletons do on New Year's Eve?
A) Eat, drink and be scary Q) Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A) To go to the body shop Q) What did the boss call his incompetent employee?
A) A bonehead Q) What did the skeleton say when he rode his Harley?
A) Воnе to be wild! Q) Why did the little skeleton want to quit the football team?
A) Because his heart wasn't in it Q) Why didn't the little skeleton want to get up in the morning?
A) He was a lazy bones. Q) Where do teenage skeletons go to class?
A) High skull Q) What instrument did the little skeleton want to play?
A) The trombone Q) Why wouldn't the little skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
A) He didn't have the stomach for it. Q) Why did the mother keep telling the little skeleton to drink his milk?
A) Because milk is good for the bones Q) Why did the little skeleton laugh at the joke?
A) Because he thought it was humerus Q) Why did the little skeleton do extra work?
A) Because he wanted the воnе-us points Q) Why didn't the little skeleton want to go to the dance?
A) He had no body to go with. Q) What instrument did the little skeleton want to play?
A) The trombone Q) Why wouldn't the little skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
A) He didn't have the stomach for it. Q) Why did the little skeleton hate the winter?
A) Because the wind went right through him
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Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that, get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man''s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about. I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his вееr and says, "Bicycles."
Ein Sack Sand Λαθραία Што крадел работникот од фабриката секој ден? В някакъв завод всяка вечер на портала един от работниците излизал с ръчна количка, покрита с вестник. Adamın biri, bisikletle Türkiye’den İran’a geçiyormuş, selesinde kocaman bir torba.. Juan was a Mexican man riding his bike to go across the American border. He was holding two bags full of sand on his back. As soon as he got to the border, the guard stopped him and asked what was in the bags. While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard. "Sand," said the cyclist. "Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied...
Drinking and Drunk Jokes Men jokes Mexican jokes Police Officer Jokes Beer Jokes Superhero Jokes
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him a Nаzi тurd.
He glared at me and started Writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So my wife called him a ****-head.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care.
We came into town by bus.
Излизам от магазина, където съм пазарувал не повече от 10 минути и гледам - катаджия пише акт. Викам му: Ich ging eines Tages in einen Laden, ich war nur fünf Minuten drin und als ich rauskam war da dieser Motorrad Polizist und schrieb gerade ein Ticket aus. Also ging ich zu ihm und sagte: Igår åkte jag in till stan för att betala en massa skatt på systembolaget. Jag var där inne i ca 10 minuter och när jag kommer ut står en polis rätt utanför ingången och skriver en parkeringsbot Jag går fram till honom och säger: - Kom igen nu, var lite schysst och riv lappen? Snälla, har du... På helger är det alltid svårt att finna en parkeringsplats. I lördags var jag i en butik under max 5 minuters tid, och när jag kom ut stod där en motorcykelpolis och skrev ut en parkerings böter....
Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes
A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. A mile down the road, he's stopped by a police officer.
The officer walked up to the driver's side window holding a Breathalyzer and said: "Good evening sir. We're testing for drunк driving. Would you please вlоw into this machine?"
The man says: "Sorry officer, but I can't do that. I have asthma. If I вlоw in that machine, I will get out of air."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample", said the officer.
"I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a urinе sample."
"I'm sorry officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright... then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line."
"I can't do that either, officer."
The officer was getting irritated... "And why not?"
"Because I'm dead drunк."
Две момченца седят пред лекарски кабинет. Не можам Playing Doctor Ανάλυση ούρων Αναλύσεις Εξέταση ούρων Две деца стоели в чакалнята в поликлиниката. Едно от тях плачело много силно. Ein Mann wird bei der Polizeikontrolle angehalten. Polizist: Cop pulls over a man: Катаджия спрял пиян шофор и му казал: Киро и Иванчо,на 7 са в поликлиниката за изследвания. Иванчо плаче та се къса. Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly. Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic. Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face.The other guy asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test." The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?" The first guy replied, "No. Not... Сидить маленька дівчинка в лікарні й плаче. Підходить до неї хлопчик: — Чому ти плачеш? — Я прийшла робити аналіз крові й мені палець відріжуть. Хлопчик заплакав ще сильніше за дівчинку. — А ти чому плачеш? — запитала дівчинка. — А я прийшов аналіз сечі здавати… A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says,... Un conducteur se fait arrêter par la police : - soufflez dans le ballon s'il vous plaît. - je peux pas je suis asmathique. - on va alors vous faire une prise de sang. - je ne peux pas, je suis... Toto est dans la salle d'attente de l'infirmerie de l'école, en compagnie d'un petit camarade qui sanglote très fort. - Mais pourquoi pleures-tu comme cela ? demande-t-il. - Je viens pour une... Bir gün temel hastaneye gitmiş doktorun odasına giderken ağlayan bir Adam görmüş. Adama sormuş: - "Niye agliyursin da" Adam cevap vermiş: - "Kan tahlili için geldim parmağımı kestiler onun acısına... Een man komt uit een caf?stapt zijn auto in en rijdt richting huis. Na 200 meterwordt de man aangehouden door een politieagent. Agent: 'Goedenavond meneer, wij doen eenalcoholcontrole. Wilt u even... Toto va chez le médecin et voit une fille qui pleure: - Pourquoi tu pleures. - Parce que je vais faire une analyse de sang. - Tu pleure pour sa? - Mon frêre m'a dit que pour faire une analyse de... Toto va chez le docteur et vois une fille qui pleure. Toto : "Pourquoi tu pleures ?" La fille : "Parce que je viens faire une analyse de sang." Toto : "C'est pour sa que tu pleures ?" La fille :... Δυο παιδάκια, ο Γιαννάκης κι ο Κωστάκης, κάθονται έξω από τα εξωτερικά ιατρεία του νοσοκομείου. Ο Γιαννάκης κλαίει γοερά. Κωστάκης: Γιατί κλαις; Γιαννάκης: Ήρθα για εξετάσεις αίματος. Κωστάκης:... A rendőr megállít egy autóst: - Jó napot!Személyi igazolványt és forgalmit kérek! - Odaadja neki az autós, a rendőr nézi egy darabig majd így szól: - Kérem, fújjon a szondába! - Nem lehet. - Ugyan,...
Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my вееr.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your вuтт kicked on Cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific.
The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over?
Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic.
Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking?
You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of сrаск, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm?
That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
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A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde вiмво sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land.
The pilot says, "You say she's blonde?
I'll handle this.
I'm married to a blonde.
I speak blonde."
He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."
у блондинки билет на самолет в эконом классе, она садится в... Блондинка се качва в самолет и сяда в бизнес класа. Една блондинка се качила на самолет и седнала в първа класа. Една блондинка се качила в самолет за Ямайка, но вместо във втора класа, седнала в първа. A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. There's this blonde. She gets on a plane and sits in the first available seat. The flight attendant is coming around checking tickets. Ein Österreicher besteigt ein Flugzeug nach Jamaica und setzt sich in der ersten Klasse. Die Stewardess, die gerade sein Ticket geprüft hat, erklärt ihm: On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. ,The blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York; and I'm not moving.",Not... A beautiful young model boarded a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looked at the seats in economy, and then looked into the forward cabin at the luxurious first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appeared to be much larger and more comfortable, she moved... Ήταν κάποτε μια ξανθιά σε ένα αεροπλάνο. Έρχεται τότε μια κυρία και της ζητά το εισιτήριο της. Αυτή της το δίνει και η κυρία της λέει: - Πρέπει να πάτε στη τελευταία θέση. Και η ξανθιά της απαντά: - Εγώ είμαι σταρ και πάω στην Νέα Υόρκη. Φεύγει τότε η κυρία και πάει σε έναν υπεύθυνο και του... Blondynka leci do Paryża. Podchodzi stewardesa i mówi: - Poproszę bilet. Blondynka daje a stewardesa: - Pani siedzi w 2 rzędzie a ma pani bilet na 8. - Ale ja tu zostaję. Po kilku minutach rozmowy stewardesa idzie do pilota i mówi: - Idź do tej pani i... Flygvärdinnan på ett flygplan som skulle till New York gick fram till en blond kvinna som satt i första klass. Flygvärdinnan bad blondinen att flytta till ekonomiklassens avdelning, eftersom hon inte hade någon biljett för första klass. Blondinen... En blondin skulle åka flyg till Paris. Hon skulle åka andra klass. Men när blondinen gick på satte hon sig i första klass. Då sa flygvärdinnan till henne att flytta till andra klass. - Jag är ung,... Durante un volo per Montreal, pochi minuti dopo il decollo, una bionda seduta nella classe economica si alza e si dirige verso la prima classe e vi prende posto. L' agente di bordo la vede fare e... En blondin hade felaktigt satt sig i 1:a klass på planet till Mallorca, flygvärdinnan försökte förgäves få henne att flytta. Flygvärdinnan bad stewarden att säga åt blondinen, men det slutade med... Em um avião indo para Nova York, a comissária se dirige a uma loira sentada na divisão reservada para a primeira classe e pede para que ela se mude para a classe econômica, pois ela não tinha a... Blondi istui etelän lennolla ensimmäisessä luokassa, vaikka hänellä oli turistiluokan lippu. Lentoemäntä huomautti ystävällisesti asiasta, mutta blondi jäi vain paikoilleen. Sitten huomautti... A young blonde with a coach ticket went up and sat down in the first class section of a plane going from Tampa to Los Angles The airline hostess said I'm sorry miss but you have to sit in the coach... Sur un vol à destination de New-York, le chef de cabine contrôle les billets et s'apperçoit qu'une belle blonde s'est installée en première classe avec un billet en classe économique. Il la prie... Uma loira ia viajar para EUA, chegando no avião a mesma sentou-se na primeira classe, em seguida a comissária dirigiu-se a ela e pediu educadamente, para que a ela se fosse para a classe comercial.... There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit. She was in the economy class, but after takeoff, she saw an empty seat in first class and moved there. An attendant saw her and said, "Excuse... A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the plane and sat down in first class. A few minutes later, a flight attendent came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to... Une blonde monte en avion et s'assoit dans la section des premières classes. L'hôtesse lui dit qu'elle doit s'asseoir ailleurs car son ticket est un ticket de seconde classe. La blonde répond : -... A loira entra no avião e num descuido do comissário vai para a Primeira Classe sentando-se e já colocando o cinto. O comissário ao percebê-la, informa que a classe dela é a Econômica e que ela... Blondýnka letí do Hollywoodu a sedne si do první třídy. Letuška kontroluje letenky a řekne blondýně at opustí první třídu a přemístí se do druhé. Blondýna řekne:Ale ja letím na modeling do... Een vliegtuig is op weg naar Toronto als een dom blondje in de economy class opstaat en in de eerste klas gaat zitten. De stewardess ziet dit, en vraagt of ze haar ticket even mag zien, ze bekijkt...
Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Police Officer Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
"His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work."
The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, watch this.
He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, "Good boy", and he turned to the man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."
"Gee, that's pretty good," replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, "That man is carrying сосаinе, so again, I'm taking a note of his seat number for the police."
"I like it!" said his seatmate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shiт all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, "What's going on?"
The Policeman nervously replied, "He's just found a bomb."
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Middle age is when you are warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
An escalator never breaks... it only becomes stairs.
When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
What will today's younger generation tell their children they had to do "without"?
If you're doing the speed limit, you're in the way.
18 out of 10 schizophrenics agree.
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Bumper Sticker: Excuse me for driving so closely in front of you.
Today is the last day of your life, so far.
No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions.
People never grow up; they just learn how to act in public.
One half of the world will never understand the other half and it doesn't matter which half you're in.
I've discovered the whole problem with the National Debt. Most of us work 5 days a week and the government spends 7.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.
No matter how bad it gets, I'm rich at the dollar store.
The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can't hold it.
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
If you want to know more about paranoids, follow them around.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
The reason Las Vegas is so crowded is that no one has the plane fare to leave.
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