Restaurant Jokes

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My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. С жена ми имаме малка тайна за здраво семейство. Два пъти седмично ходим на хубав ресторант с хубава храна и хубаво вино. Letztens hat mich ein Bekannter gefragt, warum meine Ehe nach so langen Jahren noch immer so gut läuft. Ich hab geantwortet: "Weil wir noch zweimal pro Woche Sex haben. Ich dienstags, und meine... Mi esposa y yo tenemos el secreto para un matrimonio feliz: Dos veces a la semana vamos a un restaurante y disfrutamos de una rica comida y un buen vino. Ella va los martes y yo, los viernes Mi esposa y yo tenemos secretos para que dure el matrimonio: Dos veces a la semana, vamos a un agradable restaurant, un poquito de vino, buena comida y buena compañía. Ella va los martes yo voy los... "Hvad er hemmeligheden ved jeres lange og lykkelige ægteskab?" "Min kone og jeg går ud og får en romantisk middag en gang om ugen." "Nå, hvor går i hen?" "Tja, jeg går på italiensk restaurant, men... Mellem venner: - Hvordan holder du og din kone jeres ægteskab sammen? - Vi går ud og spiser to gange om ugen på en lille restaurant med god mad og vin. - Det må jeg nok sige. - Ja, min kone spiser... Rozmawia dwóch kolegów. - Ja mam z żoną super sposób na szczęśliwe pożycie małżeńskie. - Jaki? - Dwa razy w tygodniu chodzimy do przytulnej restauracji, Trochę wina, dobre jedzenie, później... Mi ketten a feleségemmel tudjuk, mi a hosszú házasság titka. Minden héten kétszer elmegyünk egy kellemes étterembe. Egy kis bor, jó ételek, kellemes társaság. Ő kedden megy, én szombaton. Külön...
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Three tortoises, Tinku, Teku and Toku, went into a restaurant. Each of them ordered a large ice cream sundae. They were waiting for their order when they noticed that it was pouring with rain outside.
"We are going to need our umbrellas," said Toku. Tinku agreed. They both decided that Teku should run home to get the umbrellas, but he didn't want to go in case they ate his ice-cream while he was away. But Toku and Tinku promised that they would do nothing of the kind, so Teku set off.
One week went by and Teku did not return. Two weeks went by and still he did not appear. Halfway through the third week, Tinku turned to Toku and said, "Come on, let's eat his ice cream."
"Okay, let's," said Toku.
Just then Teku's voice piped up from under the next table, "If you do, I won't go for that umbrella!"
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A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ¨Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!¨ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ¨Yes sir!¨ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ¨Forks and knives, forks and knives!¨ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ¨Goody-goody gumdrops!¨ A few weeks later, there was a мurdеr in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: Who killed the man?
Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!
Policeman: Did you кill the man?
Foreign man: Yes sir!
Policeman: What did you use to кill him:
Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives!
Policeman: You´re under arrest.
Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!
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I bet you won't know this, I'm not expecting you to know, I am expecting you to read this.
Humans кill 3 sharks a second just for shark fin soup! That is if they keep it up for a whole lifetime starting as you read this (that is impossible because they would all be extinct) but if we did and you had a life of 80 years then 20,736,000 sharks would have been killed by humans just for a bowl of shark fin soup.
Shark fin soup is horrible and the shark fins only add a bit of texture. People only eat it on special occasions like weddings to make a statement.
People hook them through the skin pull them out of the water alive where they can't breathe and slice all their fins off while they are still alive! Then they just drop the rest back in the ocean the shark still alive and dropped into the water alive to drown (sharks can't breathe unless they move at a fast enough speed through the water). This is just RIDICULOUS.
Over the last 5 years only an average of 3 people were killed each year by sharks with a maximum of 4 in the highest year. In contrast we are killing close to 100 million sharks per year and most of them are simply killed for their fins to make shark fin soup, a status symbol in China. Next time you go into a Chinese restaurant and you see shark fin soup on the menu remember an animal that has almost the same life span as you died for that soup and his fins were severed from his body and the body dumped over the side. Virtually all the shark attacks happened because the shark thought the victim was either a seal (in the case of a surfer think how a surfer looks from below) or there was poor visibility in shallow water. Virtually all attacks are a single bite and the shark didnt come back for more because it didnt taste like he expected. The deaths are usually due to blood loss.
Sharks have far more to fear from us than we do from them, and if you listen to years of extensive research made by many dedicated scientists, you will press kick аss.
Thank you.
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